Emotional Intelligence in Work

Conflict gets a bad rap in the workplace. Early in my career, I believed conflict had no place in a healthy workplace. As I progressed, I realized that it was quite the contrary. The lack of conflict isn't a sign of a healthy work culture, rather it is an indication that important debates, discussions and differing viewpoints are being disregarded or suppressed. This insight revealed another key aspect: high-performing teams do not shy away from conflict. They embrace it, leveraging diverse opinions to drive optimal outcomes for customers. What sets these teams apart is their ability to handle conflict constructively. So how can this be achieved? I reached out to my friend Andrea Stone, Leadership Coach and Founder of Stone Leadership, for some tips on effectively managing conflict in the workplace. Here's the valuable guidance she provided: 1. Pause: Take a moment to assess your feelings in the heat of the moment. Be curious about your emotions, resist immediate reactions, and take the time to understand the why behind your feelings. 2. Seek the Other Perspective: Engage genuinely, listen intently, show real interest, and ask pertinent questions. Remember to leave your preconceived judgments at the door. 3. Acknowledge Their Perspective: Express your understanding of their viewpoint. If their arguments have altered your perspective, don't hesitate to share this with them. 4. Express Your Viewpoint: If your opinion remains unswayed, seek permission to explain your perspective and experiences. Remember to speak from your viewpoint using "I" statements. 5. Discuss the Bigger Objective: Identify common grounds and goals. Understand that each person might have a different, bigger picture in mind. This process can be taxing, so prepare beforehand. In prolonged conflict situations, don't hesitate to suggest breaks to refresh and refuel mentally, physically, and emotionally. 6. Know Your Limits: If the issue is of significant importance to you, be aware of your boundaries. For those familiar with negotiation tactics, know your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement). 7. Finalize Agreements: Once an agreement has been reached, continue the engagement to agree on responsibilities and timeframes. This ensures clarity on the outcome and commitments made. PS: Approach such situations with curiosity and assume others are trying to do the right thing. 🔁 Useful? I would appreciate a repost. Image Credit: Hari Haralambiev ----- Follow me, tap the (🔔) Omar Halabieh for daily Leadership and Career posts.

I thought I was angry. A situation with a coworker felt a little tense, and all I could interpret at the moment was that I was angry with her. My plans, my thoughts about how to respond, and my feelings of needing to “confront” this coworker all started to come to mind. I’m glad I didn’t. When I stopped to really think about what was going on with my emotions, I realized I wasn’t angry. I was closer to fearful, and not just that I was actually feeling insecure. The reason I was feeling insecure was that I was feeling inadequate and inferior. I was able to trace it back to specific interactions I was having with this coworker. She was a senior member of an established team, and I was the new guy - a hot-shot, know it all to boot. Naturally, I felt like I had a lot to prove. At the time, I didn’t handle that very well. I promoted my own ideas, I didn’t support others’ ideas enough, and I felt a whole of of imposter syndrome. The thing about it is that my ideas and contributions really had merit, but they left a wake of other people feeling insecure. On a team, that’s not even a net neutral impact. That’s a negative one. The senior member of that team (by reputation and regard from the team) had a lot of knowledge and probably a lot to teach me. But, our interactions felt competitive rather than collaborative. After a few rounds of these run ins with one another, I become more defensive, defiant, and competitive. I thought it was anger driving all that, but it wasn’t. It was feelings of inadequacy. The ensuing conversation wasn’t easy but it was the right one to have. I think we both did a good job of trying to understand the other person. At the very least, we talked about REAL emotions. I’ve taken this lesson to heart. I need to take time to really examine my emotions BEFORE I react or respond - especially if my responses are from a position of leadership. Emotional intelligence starts with a high emotions vocabulary. You can’t resolve what you mislabel. Next time you’re feeling angry, or sad, or happy, slow down to really self-examine and be deliberate about identifying the specific emotional ingredients at play. If you want better relationships it begins with the mindset you bring INTO those relationships. #leadership #seniorliving #emotionalintelligence #selfawareness

There's no perfect science to landing a new job. You can do everything right, but too many factors creep in. The only constant that will set you apart from the applicants? Your mindset. It is an area a lot of us don't think about. Resume, LinkedIn profile, Applications, Networking/Referrals - but where during the #jobsearch process were you thinking about *how to stay resilient?* Staying resilient during uncertain times is not only key, it is going to be what gives you the extra fuel to make it over the finish line - even if you don't know WHERE the finish line is! ⚡ Job searching, or even *job stability*, right now is so unknown. We are operating in a place of unpredictability. So here are 5️⃣ ways you can build a mindset of resilience during this time of uncertainty: 1. Focus on what you can control VS. what you cannot control. There are so many decisions made in your career that are not because of you* (Budgets, Internal politics, other candidates, org structure, etc). Be aware of what you can control and focus on those changes. All the rest, is out of your hands. 2. Remain Curious. Every detour in our career right now is an opportunity to learn. What other information can you gather to help you gain more perspective? What have you learned and what can you adjust for the future? 3. Know your strengths...and watch out for your blind spots. There is a fine line between what we're good at and what we WANT to be good at. It takes a lot of awareness and some self assessment (Try the Clifton Strengths Assessment) to understand your lanes. But knowing where your key strength lies is absolutely your superpower in helping you forge ahead. And you need to be clearly aware of blind spots, because they are there. You just can't get lost in giving your weaknesses ALL your energy! 4. Focus on Impact - during a long job search or uncertainty of a job, My advices is to shift away form title and focus on the impact of the role. It is amazing how many people miss out on an opportunity because they are overly focused on the title. YOU are the one to make an impact, not a position. 5. Keep Moving through the mud. Did you know a lotus flower thrives in blooming through mud without stains? 🌸 Yep. And so can you. There's a point where you might give up looking, or might think I will never succeed, but I promise if you keep going, there is going to be a point when you rise. Thats my weeks insights! Happy Friday!

In our professional journeys, failure and rejection are inevitable companions. But here's the empowering truth: how we respond to rejection can be a catalyst for personal growth and resilience. As I maneuver a slowdown in my business, I am learning to navigate the emotions mindfully, with resilience and a growth mindset. I remind myself that, "this too shall pass," that setbacks are not permanent labels but temporary moments in our journey and just like seasons come and go, business realities change too. Here are some self-compassion practices that have been helpful for me: 1. Pausing to breathe: Taking time to pause, step back and take a deep a breath is helping me bring spaciousness between experiencing the emotion and choosing (how) to respond. 2. Treating myself with kindness: I am making every effort to treat myself with the same kindness and understanding I would extend to a friend in a similar predicament. Not only am I acknowledging all emotions without judgment, I am also reminding to feel and process these emotions, knowing that it's okay to experience disappointment. 3. Reframing failure as feedback: Acknowledging that this is not an end; it's a chance to gather valuable feedback. Instead of viewing it negatively, I am viewing it as an opportunity to learn, objectively analyzing what I could have done differently, and how I can improve moving forward. 4. Seeking support: I had to remind myself that I am not alone in facing these challenges. I have leaned on friends and mentors for support and reached out to my network to keep me in mind for collaboration opportunities. 5. Trusting the process: I have to admit that I am not fully there yet but I am reminding myself to trust the path I am on and that any and all experiences align with my journey. Embracing the wisdom of “this too shall pass” and acknowledging the impermanence of emotions is helping me ride the waves without getting carried away. I am curious how you embrace failure and rejection? Share your insights and experiences in the comments below! #embracingfailure #resilience #growthmindset #selfcompassion #thinkaloud

Early in my career, I needed to tell a senior executive that his behavior was harming morale. I 𝐀𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐙𝐄𝐃 over how to have this tough talk without endangering my job. There was no easy way around it. This was going to be 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃. Ultimately, we sat down together in a neutral setting. I focused on my desire to see the team thrive. The executive, while surprised, appreciated my honesty. We had an open dialogue, and things improved. It was a growth moment for both of us. 𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒! 𝘏𝘖𝘞'𝘋 𝘐 𝘋𝘖 𝘐𝘛? Here are three things that have always worked best for me: 1. 𝐁𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐞, not the person. Make it about solving problems, not attacking character. 2. Listen first, then speak. 𝐒𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 before asking to be understood. 3. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝. Align on shared goals and good intentions to prevent discord. Courageous conversations require emotional intelligence, empathy, and care. With the right mindset and approach, you can express yourself effectively while minimizing defensiveness in others. 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒇𝒖𝒍? Share one tip below for constructively having necessary but tough talks. I look forward to learning from your experiences!

Don't let workplace annoyances rock your boat. How? By mastering emotional resilience. I used to begin each workday like a calm pond, only to be disrupted by coworker drama - for example, an unwanted escalation pointing fingers at my team when a simple call would have cleared up the misunderstanding. These irritants felt like a metaphorical boulder upsetting my inner calm. The water churns, emotions rise, and finding the right response was a struggle. We all face situations that test our emotional resilience – a passive-aggressive email, an outburst in a meeting, a looming deadline. But here's the good news: You have the power to choose your response. As Viktor Frankl famously said, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." Developing emotional resilience isn't about suppressing your emotions or pretending everything is fine. It's about recognizing the space between the trigger and your reaction and using it to choose a mindful response. Here are three tips: 1. Take a Deep Breath: When you feel your emotions rising, take a few slow, deep breaths. This simple act can activate your body's relaxation response and help you regain composure. 2. Reframe the Situation: Instead of letting negativity take over, try to reframe the situation in a more positive light. Perhaps a difficult colleague's behavior is due to their own stress, not a personal attack. 3. Develop Pre-Planned Responses: For particularly tricky situations, consider having a few go-to phrases on hand. For example, if someone is being disruptive, I'll say, "Let's take a moment to refocus and get back on track with the agenda." By practicing to take a breath, reframing challenges, and choosing my responses, I've been strengthening my emotional resilience. What is your best tip for staying cool under pressure at work? 

In my original post on this topic last year, I wrote, "Conflict is never a solo act. It takes at least two parties to create a misunderstanding and then fight over it." High emotional intelligence (EI) helps us own our side of things and react in a more positive, constructive way. EI sharpens many tools that assist in conflict resolution: 🧠Understanding Mindset & Emotions: Imagine you're in a heated argument. EI helps you stop throwing fuel on the fire. Instead, you pause and try to understand what you're feeling and why. Are you angry? Frustrated? Disappointed? Recognizing these emotions (and the thinking patterns behind them) is the first step to managing them. 💓Empathy: This means putting yourself in the other person's shoes. With EI, you're not just hearing words; you're also picking up on non-verbal cues like tone and body language. It's about realizing, "Hey, maybe they're not just being difficult; they're actually worried or scared." ⏸️Self-regulation: Ever said something in anger that you later regretted? We've all been there. EI teaches you to take a breath and choose responses that won’t escalate the situation. It’s about thinking before reacting – like hitting a mental 'pause' button. 💬Effective Communication: EI helps you express your feelings clearly and calmly. It's not about winning; it's about expressing your point of view in a way that's not confrontational or defensive. It’s saying, “I understand where you’re coming from” instead of “You’re wrong!” 🤝Problem-solving: High EI helps you focus on the problem, not the person. It’s about finding common ground and coming up with a solution that works for everyone. ➡️Building Relationships: EI also assists in building stronger, more understanding relationships for the long haul. It's knowing that conflicts are a part of life, but how we handle them can either weaken or strengthen our connections with others. Emotional intelligence does not solve every problem instantly, but it will definitely make the path to resolution smoother and kinder. ***************** ➡️➡️NEW INFOGRAPHICS EVERY WEEK⬅️⬅️ RING THE🔔 TO BE NOTIFIED #conflict #conflictresolution #emotionalintelligence #litvakexecutivesolutions

Let's talk about something we all experience but don't always know how to handle: Conflict in the Workplace. I've been there, knee-deep in disagreements, and let me tell you, it's not a walk in the park. But through the years, I've picked up some strategies that have really helped, not just for me but also in developing other leaders in the organization. 1. Active Listening: The first thing is to truly understand what the other person is saying. This goes beyond nodding while planning your next counter-argument. It's about gaining a full understanding of the issue at hand. 2. Open Dialogue: Transparency is key. Creating an environment where everyone feels comfortable speaking their minds can nip a lot of issues in the bud. 3. Role-Playing: I get it, it can feel awkward. But practicing these scenarios can help you get better at handling real conflicts when they come up. 4. Teach Empathy: When leaders are trained to put themselves in the shoes of others, conflicts can often be avoided or more easily resolved. 5. Neutral Mediation: Sometimes you're just too close to the problem. That's where a neutral third party comes in, to give an unbiased perspective. 6. Self-Reflection: After any conflict, it's good practice to think about what you could have done differently. It's all part of the learning process. 7. Case Studies: Look at how other organizations have handled conflict. Trust me, you're not reinventing the wheel here... you can learn a lot from others experiences. 8. Outcome Focused: Remember what the end goal is. If everyone wants the same thing, figuring out how to get there is half the battle. 9. Regular Check-Ins: Keeping the lines of communication open can help you detect problems before they blow up into full-fledged conflicts. 10. Feedback Loops: After resolving an issue, it's helpful to revisit and evaluate what went well and what didn't. Continuous improvement is the name of the game. "The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall" - Nelson Mandela Have a Safe, Positive & Productive Monday! #LeadershipDevelopment #ConflictResolution #TeamBuilding #EmotionalIntelligence #ContinuousImprovement

A great technique for not getting derailed when experiencing brief but intense emotions is "opposite action". This is simply doing the opposite of what your emotions tell you to do in an effort to neutralize them. Some examples of taking opposite action: ➡ If you just got some bad news and are feeling sad, your emotions may tell you to withdraw. Instead, call a friend and make plans to go to lunch. ➡ If you're feeling embarrassed about a silly but ultimately low-stakes mistake you made, your emotions may tell you to ruminate over how you could have performed differently. Instead, tell the story to someone who will understand and maybe even help you laugh about it. Last week, I got some minorly upsetting news that made me angry. I knew my anger was temporary and the situation wasn't that deep. My emotions told me it would be fun to vent and possibly rile others up. Instead, I acted oppositely and reached out to a couple of people who had recently helped me with brief notes of appreciation. In less than ten minutes, the anger was completely neutralized. The point of opposite action isn't to invalidate your feelings. Rather, it's a coping skill based on neuroscience that says that our actions can sway our emotions. When our emotions feel out of hand, opposite action disrupts the neural circuits that are reinforcing the unpleasant emotion - which allows us to move on and, over time, become more resilient. #EmotionalIntelligence #ResilienceAtWork #CopingSkills

In recent months, I've been closely working with a team experiencing a common challenge – a blame culture fueled by uncertainty and fear of layoffs. This environment leads to isolation, finger-pointing, and a stifling of collaboration. While logic can help address the counterproductive nature of such behaviors, the truth is, emotions they are experiencing are facts too. You might even say, while logic speaks volumes, emotions echo even louder. A team coach instead of simply telling team members how to change, needs to help them connect the dots and build emotional intelligence. Step 1 - Identifying and Accepting Emotions: -Tuning in by creating a safe space for team members to acknowledge their feelings. What anxieties are lurking beneath the surface? -Putting a name to our emotions helps us understand and manage them. Are we feeling frustrated, scared, or overwhelmed? -Taking advantage of normalization. It's important to recognize that these emotions are normal responses to an uncertain situation. Step 2 - From Blame to Courage Once the emotions are acknowledged, a team can move forward and reframe them. One team member recently pointed out that ‘this anxiety hasn't stopped us yet’. This highlights an underlying strength of resilience. Can the team channel this emotional energy into courage? Courage to communicate openly, collaborate effectively, and support one another? Remember, a team that works together, thrives together. Such a cliché, but whenever I think about aspiring human achievements, they were the result of team effort. As a team coach I can help teams I support by staying longer in uncomfortable, so they can see the hidden energy of it. #siliconvalleycoach #teamcoaching #teamcoach