I think it first started when I was 3. THREE. Let that sink in before I go any further.

Born out of wedlock and not even a love child, did I even have a chance? Many people may say not. My mother and father were very young and very very, how should I say this? Stupid.

Meth, Heroin, who knows what else. Selling, smoking, injecting. I’ve been told my mother stopped while she was pregnant with me. I don’t know how much of that I believe considering my addictive personality and other personality issues. Maybe she did; I don’t think she was evil, just poorly misunderstood and had no idea how to function as a human being in society. Her mother sold her out the way a pimp does with his whores. I’ve also been told she forced her son to huff gas until he only had two brain cells left, but even then, he couldn’t rub them together. It was her MO, in charge, but not in the large way; mostly in the covert manipulation type of way. Stealing government aid from her grandchildren was her favorite, though. What a get-rich-quick scheme it was. Maybe mom never had a chance either. Dad grew up right, besides his dead-beat alcoholic father who just couldn’t get it together enough to be a dad, not unlike my father himself. Grandma fell in love with a Freddy Mercury looking, Harley riding, brilliantly genius man who wasn’t healed from his own trauma. After my uncle and dad, she meant to leave, but found herself pregnant again. Soon enough, she had to get away, and she did. She ran far and fast. She raised her three boys on her own, single, poor, just trying to keep her kids happy and fed. They were happy. People like to ask, but they were. They were happy, healthy, and loved. So damn loved. Dad played the violin, was given everything to be who he wanted to be, had so much talent. Somehow, he still fucked that up. He had his demons, I suppose. Don’t we all though? Dad went to rehab out of state. Somehow he knocked up the first woman he met. Luckily, she grew up and found better for her and my brother. Crazy how I didn’t even know they existed until I was a senior in high school. He met my mom through one of his “friends” in high school. The timing of this all is so bizarre though. My brother was born in June, and I was born in May the following year. 11 months apart. Again, I had no idea. Mom and dad split a year or so later. Mom found someone else. SomeTHING else is probably more accurate. America’s Most wanted pedophile at one point. I don’t know if he did it though. It could have been my mom’s bald roommate she left me with while she danced at the local strip club. I still get chills when I see bald people. Cigarette burns I can’t show anyone.