🙏 #Blessed
Falling back on an old familiar Cope
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“Truth is never ugly when one can find in it what one needs.”
—Edgar Degas, French impressionist painter
I did that weird thing again. I woke up earlier this week with a Case of the Mondays, magnified by a Case of the First Day of the Monthies, knowing I was barely scraping by on the mortgage by the skin of my teeth (again), while neglecting much of the credit card bills (again).
I was nervous about a small handful of corporate clients with contracts hanging in the balance, knowing the holidays are fast approaching and that it’s the slowest time of year for new work.
I was disappointed after accepting the reality that the broker we hired in September said we should pull our apartment listing for now, and wait until peak season returns in April to re-list and find a renter. I counted on my fingers: at a minimum, that’s five more months of paying this mortgage. No immediate relief in sight, the only answer for now (again) would be to out-earn it. And to try (again) to surrender and have faith that it is all unfolding in perfect, divine timing.
I felt a flash of annoyance at a young guy I’d met over the weekend, with a fancy corporate job, who made money stuff sound so easy when he spoke. Really, I was annoyed at myself: that, from the time I was eight years old until my mid-thirties, I was incredibly fastidious and disciplined about personal finances. Key word: was. Now I am in over my head, still working toward finding a way out and through.
But when I had a chance to share all of this—or even a sliver of it—during a group call on Monday, a different part of my brain took over. An old familiar Cope,1 as the kids say, slipping backward into well-worn mental grooves.
