Amber
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, but
today I don’t care for veal tennis.
I got a haircut that cheered me up.
I ate well, made many pleasantries.
Later, a massage of tired thews.
Later, a drive to the clothing shops.
Later, I send to a friend a joke
on the flaws in this German loaner.
Later, I plan to make one more stop:
A walk by the water with Prufrock . . .
when I see her sign—
something clever
about downpayments on winter boots
when a gust of wind
tears it out of her hands
her sign falls falls down, but she does not stir
and I just you know I don’t know what to do you know and so I park you know nearby you know and I go over you know and I ask you know If I can get her some food you know ’cause there’s a pub nearby
I park behind White Sails, go over
patiently waiting to go across
the forbidding grid of city streets.
—Hi there. Would you like to go get some food?
We could go to White Sails . . .
—I’m a vegetarian.
—Oh. I’m really not sure. What if I got you
something from Thrifty’s?
—Activia Yogurt. Anything Red.
—Anything else?
—No. Just the yogurt. Maybe it’ll help
settle my stomach.
—OK. I’ll be back.
And I run. (There are no motions here
without transgressing traffic, without
a righteous hit from a turning car.)
and I just you know I don’t know what to do you know and so I ask AI you know I ask AI what to get you know and AI says you know you could get bananas you know and water you know and granola bars you know and I get in the car you know and I drive
And I turn. Amber’s reading her book
by dim lights. Tomorrow’s Valentine’s
and it’s so cold tonight and I still
do not care for veal tennis.
—Hi there. Do you have any
disposable spoons?
—Check in the deli.
—Hi there. Do you have any
disposable spoons?
—Over there, by the exit.
—Hi there. Just these things.
Do you have any sturdy bags?
—Yes.
—Thank you.
And I return. But I don’t seem odd
to the drivers—not ’til manœuvres
to cross to where Amber’s holding court
will they note our small drama.
and I put down the bag you know and I explain what they had in stock you know and I say I got the yogurt you know and these individually wrapped spoons you know and I say I got you some other stuff you know you could maybe use you know if you want
—Amber!
(she turns around)
I’m back. I got you this yogurt.
This is all that they had.
(I point in the bag)
I also got some bananas, Kind bars,
water, some napkins, these spoons.
Is this cool?
(she looks at me)
—Yes, it’s cool.
(beat)
—I’m sorry.
—I’m sorry, too.
(beat)
—Well . . . I should make the run.
and I run you know before the arcing onslaught you know although I think you know what would they do you know if I just stopped you know right here you know in the middle of road you know and I cross the grid of streets you know back to the car you know and I weep you know and I think about Andersen’s “Little Match Girl” you know and I want to you know give Amber my coat you know to give her my gloves you know give her everything you know that I have you know but I know you know this won’t fix you know anything you know as I weep you know in the expensive you know German loaner car you know as I drive back you know to the house you know I think back you know to ’96 you know when we’d line up you know at the food bank you know or when neighbours you know with good hearts you know would give things you know but then caution you you know this isn’t charity you know just so we’re clear you know and I don’t go you know on my walk you know in the park you know I stand up Prufrock you know I don’t go you know where the people are you know I just get back home you know and I park the car you know here the rabbits are you know busy mowing lawn you know and I walk out your know into the grass you know and I look up you know at the stars you know and I hear the kind wolf you know over the tracks you know howl in pain you know how she howls and howls you know—but the gift?
But the gift was already given away.
It was boat and paid in furl.