Tag Archives: Sadness

the call of the void

16 Sunday Feb 2025

Posted by in . . . pain, Disillusionment, Strength

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Your lady hormones will tell you
That perhaps
You should step up to the
Edge
Of the ledge
And just
Jump.
Your lady hormones will tell you
That perhaps
You should swerve into
The other lane
And keep your foot
On that pedal
As the traffic’s coming
At you
Head on.
Your lady hormones will tell you
About the scary statistics
About self-perishing and periods
When it’s close
To that time of the month
And maybe you
Should be one.
Your lady hormones will tell you
All kinds of dark
Stupid shit
But don’t listen
To any of it
I promise you
That next week
You’ll feel loads better
When it’s done
🙏🏿

The Fade

05 Sunday Jan 2025

Posted by in . . . pain, Disillusionment, Gray

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My brain goes weary
And my heart with it
When I think of you.
Why?
WHY?!
I demand of both
Of them
As they put me through
The agony of your
Absence and
The misery of my
Empty hands
When I find myself
Rolling over in the
Dark
Reaching out for you.
But you’re never there!
And my mind and
My life’s so busy
That it just
Isn’t fair
Because I hope
That in my brain’s quiet time
That I’ll dream of you
But my thoughts don’t care
Because they stray
Into faraway places
Conjuring faces
That do not
Belong to you
And I cry myself
Into sleep
And waking
Realising
I’m starting to
Forget you…


Retire

08 Monday Jul 2024

Posted by in . . . pain, Disillusionment, Inspiration, Love, Strength

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I’m starting to forget even
The memory of your face
The echo of your voice is
Starting to fade
I don’t think I can recall, fully
What my life was like
Before time and life
Packed you up and shipped you
Away.
I find myself
Desperately seeking out traces
Of those little pieces of us
That endured and weren’t
Erased
And I stand there, so still
In those beautiful little spaces
Knowing full well, that one day
There will be nothing that
Remains.

I retired your number today
I was finally brave
Enough to
Press delete
And I hope for my own peace
And my own sake
That this will be
The last wound
I’ll have to cleanse
So I can truly heal…

The Silencing

26 Friday Apr 2024

Posted by in . . . pain, Disillusionment, Question Marks . . ., Strength

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Thoughts
Loud
Chaotic
Messy.
Put them somewhere
Or let them wreck me.
Break me.
Silence
All else
In me
Until all that’s left
Is — something —
Other
Than me.
Write it out
Until I can’t hear
The sound
Of the endless echo
Of whatever these
Beasts are
Shouting about.
Until they’re not
So loud.
Until they’re so
Far out
And separate
And far away
That no trace
Of them
In sight and sound
Can be found
For miles
And minds around —

All We Didn’t Say

23 Tuesday Jan 2024

Posted by in . . . pain, Disillusionment, Gray, Question Marks . . .

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I tried to cry
But the tears wouldn’t
Come, and so I
Tried to write
It all down
But the words
Left my mind
And then I got
My music on
And I
Tried to block out
The world
And I realized
It was doing the same
And almost all
Of us
Were
Trying to
Deal with our pain
In the same way
By burying the
Echoes of our
Torment
And overwhelm
Under the
Voices of others
And how they
Designed
Ways
To deal with theirs
Instead of
Facing our darkness
And trying
To conquer it
So we don’t
Have to hear
What our Souls
Are screaming
At us —

Current Affairs

06 Saturday Jan 2024

Posted by in . . . pain, Disillusionment, Gray, Question Marks . . .

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It feels like living and life
Right now is to despair.
Coz life
Really doesn’t care
About you and me.
It doesn’t care where you are
Where you’re going
Or where you’ve been.
It doesn’t give a shit
About you
And your feelings.
It rocks your noggin
And keeps it moving.
It doesn’t give you time
To begin your healing.
It prepares to replace you
At the moment of your leaving.
It doesn’t pause for effect
When it hears you screaming.
It just leaves you there
Like you hold no meaning.
Life chews you up
And then spits you out
And because it holds your future
You go back for another round.
Because you can’t afford to stop now
Because you risk being
Trampled if you remain on the ground.
Life, as it is right now?
Exhausts you and
Grinds you down
Until
It’s drained you of every last
Bit of joy you’ve found.
Life has you wondering daily —
How loud
Must I scream
Before the world
Even hears a sound?

Distress

19 Sunday Nov 2023

Posted by in . . . pain, Disillusionment

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It’s
Burying what I feel
Under the rubble
Of darkness
It’s
A barrage of feelings
That I cannot share
Ever
Yet
It’s
Scary images conjured
That linger here and
Refuse to disappear
It’s
Shadows moving in dark corners
Double-checked with a torchlight
And there’s nothing there
It’s
Nihilism at its very best
It’s
Bringing on
The sad thoughts
And fuck all the rest
It’s
Doom-scrolling
Through the worst clips
In my head
It’s
You demanding of me more
And me being desperate enough
To give and give of meSelf
Until there’s nothing left —
Every time you demand
Of me to do this
It’s
Feeling no
And speaking yes.

Wind Down

19 Monday Jun 2023

Posted by in Love, Strength

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I feel like
The tone
Of my life
Was like
One big, loud, party
Up until a
Few weeks ago
When the pace
Began to slow
And then the
Music died
Down and I
Watched mySelves
Rise
And go
Heading on
Upstairs to
Sleep it off
For the remainder
Of the night.
Just when I
Was starting
To
Get used to
Their company.
And I asked them
To stay a little longer
With me
Just for one last
Drink, or
One quick bite.
But
They were all
Bone-tired
From all the
Peopling and dancing
And being ON
For so long —

And so they
Looked at me
And told me,
“Use this silence
Wisely,
This is your
Me Time.”

Rest.

Villain Era

24 Wednesday May 2023

Posted by in Disillusionment

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I woke up this morning
Knowing that
I would
Be in a bad mood.
And then I saw you.
You
Faceless Phatom.
You dark deception —
Why did I have
To cross my life’s path
With the likes of you?
Of all the lessons
I had to learn
You were the worst.
I could have gotten
By, with this
Particular life lecture
In words.
You didn’t have to
Happen to me.
I didn’t have to
Experience you practically.
You didn’t have to
Get up in my feels
And have me hurt.
You didn’t have to
Be
Ever present in
My life.
Your chapter could
Have been left out
And I would’ve
Been just fine.
I wouldn’t be
Hypervigilant
Knowing you’d cross
Into my sites.
I would have gone
On
Knowing where not
To be
If you had simply stayed
Completely the fuck
Away from me —

To Us

16 Tuesday May 2023

Posted by in . . . pain, Disillusionment, Question Marks . . ., Strength

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To you and me
And our moons, spinning.
Telling us, somehow
Our moods
Are swinging.
Back and forth, between
Life and
Living.
And sinking
Deeper into a
Darkness we
Cannot win.
To you and me
Whose minds
Are telling
Us that maybe
We shouldn’t be
Breathing.
And on a bad day
We start believing
All those voices
That keep on preaching —
To you and me
Who fight
Until our knuckles
Are bleeding
To face these days
Despite
How we’re feeling
And what we’re thinking
And what we’re concealing
From a world that
Could never understand
Just what we’re dealing
With —

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