13 Saturday Sep 2025
Posted in Inspiration, Love, Strength
When they tell you
It’s a door sealing shut
On that little girl
You were
And on someone
You are not
Anymore.
When they tell you
You’re not starting
Back at one
But from experience
And from what
You didn’t know before.
And they tell you
Your world has
To fall apart
For you to break new ground
For this whole new one.
And
They tell you to
Let go
Of what once was
So you can open
Up your hands
For all the growth
You’ve been praying for—
Believe them.
25 Monday Aug 2025
Posted in Inspiration
It’s Night 6 of 7 and am just trying not to burn out as I wait for the end of watch.
This time tomorrow, I will be less than 12 hours away from signing out and taking 7 beautiful days off so I can engage with my mind – perhaps start writing my seventh book.
I have ideas and concepts but I still need to do a little more research before I can really sink my teeth into it. And I think… I might have to confront some parts of myself. Self-reflect.
So. Like everyday then, lol.
Been having a helluva fun time talking with artists as we create visuals for the fifth book.
Got some fun feedback from my readers about this book, but I’m realising something – I want my readers to enjoy the suspense as much as they do the romance.
Apparently, I write the romance so well, they don’t care that there’s a crazy stalker trying to get at the FMC, because they just want the MMC to come in and do the things that make babies to happen.
It’s a compliment one way, and a sad the other.
I hope I can one day deal with my issues so that I can write a cozy romance, but until then, it’s all going to be healing hearts and demons we don’t talk about and entire lives and chapters devoted to all the things that exist outside the relationship.
The stalker will be there. The bully will be there. The grief of loss will be there. The family secrets will be there. They will stand in their own way. They will make stupid choices. They will be decidedly un-cozy.
And all the while, I will learn and grow.
01 Friday Aug 2025
Posted in . . . pain, Inspiration, Strength
My eyes adjust to the dark
As I sit in quiet
And hope
That perhaps I will summon
My art
Through words
And an exhausted heart
Bound by rope
And bandages
All bled through
And crimson stark
Against the colour
I’m trying to distract you
With
To keep you from
Seeing what it looks like
If
I carry this ache
And not deal with it
Coz I’m deep
In the trenches of
Panic and scars
All relived
Knowing the start
Of my re-healing is
A call
If I could just make it—
Sitting in the dark
Letting that winter
Chill creep in
Knowing that dawn is far
And feeling that wait
So deep in
The places of my heart
Where the wounds
Keep on festering
Waiting
For the right art
And the right time
To let the light in.
11 Friday Jul 2025
Posted in Inspiration, Love
Imagine logging into your WordPress account and the first notification up top informs you that it’s your anniversary with the thing, today.
This random urge to log in today. Fate? The universe? Coincidence?
Maybe. Oksalayo.
I am here.
Yay me.
There’s a lot going on in the world, some of which doesn’t show up on my newsfeed, because really, the main focus is what’s happening on South Africa’s stage.
Sometimes, the rest of the world’s struggles will make headlines, and then I’m aware for a second…
Then I forget again, because I can only focus on one horror show at a time – more specifically, the one closest to me. Like the insane cost of living and all the lives I have to save without going completely batshit and all the dark and scary things that prompt the other social media platforms to do a wellness check and send me the numbers of wellness facilities –
That time, I am not even anywhere remotely near those facilities coz I am not even on that continent but I digress.
Social media.
A lot of my energy has gone towards promoting my books there by the pink place and the clock app, and with it, my poetry has been silent for a while, which sucks.
Add to that, the burnout, and the empathy fatigue, and the desire to stand in the street at midnight and shout into the darkness, hopefully calling my guardian angel down from the skies to actually show me that they exist so that we can discuss what the fuck is happening coz surely it isn’t supposed to be this hard!!!!!
And yes, there are worse things that COULD be happening, and there are worse things that ARE happening. But I am here. In my own pain. And just because it’s so mild compared to what could be, that doesn’t invalidate the fact that IT IS PAIN. ‘To take measure is cruelty’ or something like that.
That being said, I have not forgotten this place.
Seriously considering making it some version of a landing page for my author situation.
Ya.
I hope you’re all doing alright.
23 Wednesday Apr 2025
Posted in Inspiration, Love
16 Sunday Feb 2025
Posted in . . . pain, Disillusionment, Strength
Your lady hormones will tell you
That perhaps
You should step up to the
Edge
Of the ledge
And just
Jump.
Your lady hormones will tell you
That perhaps
You should swerve into
The other lane
And keep your foot
On that pedal
As the traffic’s coming
At you
Head on.
Your lady hormones will tell you
About the scary statistics
About self-perishing and periods
When it’s close
To that time of the month
And maybe you
Should be one.
Your lady hormones will tell you
All kinds of dark
Stupid shit
But don’t listen
To any of it
I promise you
That next week
You’ll feel loads better
When it’s done
🙏🏿
05 Sunday Jan 2025
Posted in . . . pain, Disillusionment, Gray
My brain goes weary
And my heart with it
When I think of you.
Why?
WHY?!
I demand of both
Of them
As they put me through
The agony of your
Absence and
The misery of my
Empty hands
When I find myself
Rolling over in the
Dark
Reaching out for you.
But you’re never there!
And my mind and
My life’s so busy
That it just
Isn’t fair
Because I hope
That in my brain’s quiet time
That I’ll dream of you
But my thoughts don’t care
Because they stray
Into faraway places
Conjuring faces
That do not
Belong to you
And I cry myself
Into sleep
And waking
Realising
I’m starting to
Forget you…
07 Thursday Nov 2024
Posted in Uncategorized
I’m just tired.
Like, existentially.
I’m currently sitting at the back of my unit, all the alarms have finally stopped, which means that all the tiny humans are finally stable… for now.
We’ve finally turned the lights down, hoping that this will help the tiny humans settle a little more and hopefully move towards recovery.
Recovery…
It feels like a distant concept to me. I haven’t written any poetry in months. I cannot find the words. I thought, perhaps, it was just the general exhaustion of the end of the year and that I would bounce back but it feels a little heavier, you know?
And with everything that’s happening everywhere… it tracks.
So, I will take care of my babies and then take care of myself. I hope you are too.
06 Friday Sep 2024
Posted in . . . pain, Disillusionment, Question Marks . . .
Tags
Art, Beauty, Life, Love, Melancholy, Poems, Poetry, Self, Self Worth, Self-Esteem, Story, Words
I wrote poems for you
That sounded like songs
To the hearts of those
Who knew what I was feeling.
That looked like paintings
To the eyes of those
Who understood colours
And translated their meanings.
That rippled through muscles
And tendons and ligaments
And forced into movement
The bodies of those with rhythm.
That crawled up vocal chords
And eased the transition
From the written word
To the music of lovers —
Until my heart was broken
And my poetry was unspoken
And all the storms inside me
Raged and stilled in whiplash
And left me unfocused
And I had to force myself to live
In a world where you weren’t
And I realised this distance
And separation from me
Is what you had chosen —
09 Friday Aug 2024
Posted in . . . pain, Disillusionment
JaneAuthor 