The author shares a personal experience of feeling lost and inadequate on their spiritual journey. They reflect on overcoming obstacles, acknowledging emotions, and surrendering to the path. Emphasizing the uniqueness of each person’s journey, the author encourages embracing change and trusting spiritual guidance, ultimately finding peace by going with the flow.
Have you ever felt lost while on your spiritual path? I know I have, on many different occasions. In fact I was just feeling that way about two months ago. I felt like I had lost my way. The path felt awkward, foreign and not where I expected to be. Often times when this happens I feel an urgency to figure out what went wrong. Why do we automatically assume that we did something wrong when our expectations aren’t being met? Do you do this? Even if you don’t at least lie to me to make me feel better.
WHERE AM I?
A couple months ago, October to be exact I felt as if everything I had worked so hard for, was falling apart. No matter how much I tried to stay positive, I kept getting pulled, sucker punched, and blasted with “YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH! THIS ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH.” When is ENOUGH, actually enough? To be honest I had ENOUGH of feeling inadequate, insufficient, and exhausted with feeling like everything I was passionate about was being pulled from me.
In an intense moment of despair I had to take a step back and really ask myself a deep question. The question of, “Where Am I,” came up. When I sat with the question for a while I got glimpses of all of my achievements and it made me feel good and warm inside. Then as quickly as those emotions came, I was engulfed with this big deep sense of dread. I felt as if I was drowning in hopelessness and despite seeing all of the good things that I had done, nothing could erase this feeling of “NOT GOOD ENOUGH”. I sat in my living room, crying big ol’ crocodile tears.
In that moment of shedding tears I was feeling a sensation of grief, loss and disappointment. This happens in moments of GREAT transformation. When massive shifts begin to happen in your life, you experience a sense of stagnancy, or a sense of grief because what you once knew to be true is now shifting into something else. One of the biggest key takeaways for me at this time was reminding myself that sometimes I need to check-in with myself to see where I am when I am experiencing such intense emotions. When the energy around you is shifting or transforming, we sense that change.
Sometimes that change makes us feel as if we aren’t safe. It creates a crack in our foundation, almost like the sensation we get when we feel a draft from an open door. For me, that feeling of “NOT GOOD ENOUGH”, was coming from a place in my past that I never truly dealt with. In fact, when I decided to journal about it, I was reminded that there were little signs along my path that needed to be addressed of this very issue. Instead of focusing my energy on it, I pushed it aside because at the time I just didn’t want to deal with it. In all fairness, I felt like there were other important things that needed my attention. This one little thing was just “NOT GOOD ENOUGH” to take my time and attention.
I also discovered at this time that whenever I am faced with an emotion that overcomes me from my past, I immediately begin to sabotage myself completely by running around like Chicken Little screaming, “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!” . I completely dismiss the good stuff, the wins, the things I’ve accomplished or been successful at. Who else does this?
Spirit Answers
It is important to remember my friends that our spiritual paths are not all the same. They aren’t even one-dimensional, nor do they flow in a straight line. Our paths are fluid, they flow like a river moving slow, fast, upstream, downstream, they even sometimes move cyclical. When you find yourself on your spiritual path wondering ‘WTF’, just remember that there are no mistakes in your journey. Your path and journey are unique to you and if anything, what ever you are facing on your path is there for a reason.
Never question your path, question the resistance that comes up while on the path. Spirit always answers when you call, and when I was questioning what was going on while on my path, I was resisting what Spirit was offering. By the time November came around, I just gave up on resisting and allowed the path to lead me to the next section, the next path, and the next road.
Sometimes all you have to do is go with the flow. Allow the path to lead you, because the path is obviously leading you towards the next big thing. The hardest thing when following our path is surrendering to it. Allowing the path to be what it is, and not trying to control it or wield it to our expectations. We do this all of the time, we think we know what is best when in reality, Spirit has everything under control. They have the bigger picture, we get downloads like a GPS system every so often, and it is up to us to trust what we receive.
In the end my friends, you only need to remember one thing when you are on your spiritual path.
Archangel Metatron has made his presence known in my life by presenting me with an opportunity to be his voice. I am an intuitive angel guide. I’ve worked and communicated with the angelic realm for years. Through out the years I’ve known that I can become a channeled medium for them but it was something I was not comfortable with. Stepping into becoming a trance medium channeler meant I have to give myself completely to the entity and I still had reservations.
When Metatron approached me about it, I acknowledged it but never answered him. Now, here I am in full steam ahead action having accepted his proposal. The moment I said YES, I have been flooded with wisdom, knowledge, insight and mountains and mountains of information that must be shared with the collective. The whole reason for Archangel Metatron making his presence known to me was because he knew I would elevate to the point of being a spiritual teacher.
Since accepting his proposal I have created and changed so many things that all correlate to providing the collective with insight, clarity, and guidance for their spiritual growth. Today, I am sharing with you his message on the 369 Principle, and why we all need to learn and understand our true divinity and how we connect to source energy. One of the biggest messages Archangel Metatron speaks about is focusing on your point of attraction. We must understand that everything within us and around is made up of energy. Energy carries a frequency, a vibration and the things we focus on, we naturally pull towards us.
I invite you to take a took at this channeled message in hopes that it can provide you some clarity on who you are, and what you are truly capable of attaining in this life. I am providing you with two ways you can view or listen to this message.
Lately, my guides and angels have been guiding me on developing daily spiritual practices for my clients. This is something that has only come up within the last two months. When working with clients who are new to spirituality and are developing their intuition I used to offer them guidance and suggestions on creating their own spiritual practice. Now I am finding it necessary to create individual spiritual practices for my clients to help them connect to their higher self.
What is a Spiritual Practice?
Back in 2019 when I started working on my spiritual growth, I developed my own spiritual practice to help me connect to my spirit team. I am the type of person who loves creating a routine for myself daily. So developing a daily spiritual practice was not that difficult for me. What I am discovering now with my clients is that a lot of them are so brand new to spirituality, that they have no idea where to start or how to begin. If you feel as if it is hard to connect, or even to feel present or grounded in your body know that this is common.
My guides have explained to me that one of the biggest reasons people are struggling to connect right now is because of the various energies and fluctuating frequencies from the Schumann Resonance. The Earth is elevating and evolving so it is no surprise that with all of these increasing spikes of energy our connection to source or God feels fuzzy or far away. Developing a spiritual practice for yourself is not difficult and sometimes when you are new to the game it can feel challenging or overwhelming.
Why is it important to have a daily spiritual practice set up for yourself? Having a spiritual practice provides you with time for yourself, a way to get grounded and present in your body. Many of my clients struggle with being present in their body. Not feeling present in your body often leads to stress, anxiety, fear, overeating, mental, emotional and physical exhaustion. Overtime all of these symptoms can lead to self-doubt, a lack of confidence in who you are and what you are here for.
Having a spiritual practice in place will give you clarity, peace of mind, and you will feel more connected to your purpose. You will be able to focus on your goals, feel appreciated, and connected to not only the people around you, but to your guides and angels. One of the biggest benefits to having a spiritual practice is creating a calm, peaceful environment for you to prioritize self-care. If you find yourself always on the back burner, or giving of yourself to everyone and everything all of the time, then it is time for you to develop a spiritual practice.
Examples of Spiritual Practice Activities
Developing a daily spiritual practice is not that difficult and it is important that you create one that is aligned with your daily life and duties. Sometimes I find that people tend to over analyze, and overthink what is required to have a spiritual practice. When creating your spiritual practice make sure that it is something that can be done daily. It does not have to be long, or take up a lot of your time. Sometimes, something simple is all you need.
Prayer
Meditation
Journaling
Invocations
Drawing Tarot/Oracle Cards
Gratitude List
There is no right or wrong way of performing a spiritual practice. The list of examples is endless and can be tailored specifically to your needs. If you are new to spirituality and you are trying to feel connected to your guides, angels, or spirit team then remember to not complicate the process. In the many clients that I have created spiritual practices for, none of them have been the same or similar. I specifically work with my clients guides and angels and create the spiritual practice that will help them align to their higher self for further spiritual growth.
The key to making your spiritual practice successful is consistency. This is about making a commitment to yourself to follow your spiritual practice daily. In the beginning it will be hard, especially if you struggle with change, or following a new routine. The more effort and consistency you put into your spiritual practice the faster you will feel the results. I have had several clients feel a swift connection and a sense of being more grounded within two days of doing their spiritual practice. My hope is that more of you take time to care for yourself enough to develop a way for you to feel connected and grounded.
If you are interested in working with me to develop an individualized spiritual practice for you then please click this link and I will be happy to assist you.
As many of you know, I am a psychic and Spiritual Life Coach. I’ve been working with clients in both of these areas for over 15 years and was not expecting to incorporate any other modalities into my business any time soon. In February of 2019 my life was slowly beginning to change and move in different directions. When I look back on that time, I have two very distinct memories. One was of me being happy but tired. The other was me in shambles, wondering how my life got turned around in a matter of minutes. Let me give you a brief summary of these two extremes and how sound was the key that started all of this.
In February of 2019 I was attending the World Conference for Pure Romance. I was a Direct Consultant and I was doing extremely well in that venture. I had just completed my second year in the business and was celebrating a huge accomplishment. I had just achieved recognition for graduating with the company as a Future Leader. This was a highly prestigious award and one I worked hard for, because my plans were to eventually leave my corporate job and become a FULL-TIME consultant with Pure Romance.
Here I am in all of my glory after walking the stage and receiving my award.
After returning home from World Conference I was exhausted and tired. Now, I am not going to lie to you my friends and tell you that the entire trip to World Conference was exciting and enjoyable because it was not. It was at this point where I was beginning to see the signs of burn out but in that moment I just thought I needed more sleep. I had been home for a week, resting and planning my next steps in my small business, while also holding down a full-time JOB. Everything seemed to be okay, and I continued to push towards goals, and trying to make a dream become a reality.
In March of 2019 all of my dreams, goals, passions, and excitement fell apart. My whole world as I knew it got turned upside down by being inundated with repressed memories of sexual abuse. You have to understand my friends, I HAD NO MEMORY of any of these events happening to me until one morning, when the flood gates opened. That one defining moment set the pace for how my life was going to change. After that one episode I took the necessary steps in seeking the therapy assistance I needed. The casualties of this event was me letting go of my Pure Romance business, and truly asking myself some deep questions about what I wanted out of life.
Fast forward to April of 2019, where I was sitting on my couch minding my own business just relaxing. As I sat on the couch thinking about my life and what I wanted to be doing I felt a presence step in to my energy field. Keep in mind that I am accustomed to angelic beings, deceased loved ones, and Ascended Masters coming and going in my life. I am psychic after all. As I felt the presence push into my energy field I knew it was Archangel Metatron. He stood in my living room all 14 feet of him and said, “Your time of rest is over. It is time to get to work. The collective needs you.”
Archangel Metatron
At first, I was surprised he had spoken. I say this because in all the years Metatron had visited me, he had never once spoken to me. I sat on the couch confused on his words and within a few seconds he was gone. Soon he began making appearances throughout the day, and intruding on my daily meditations. He began giving me instructions on being more public about my abilities and before long I was creating a YouTube channel, and publicly making myself known as a psychic and Spiritual Life Coach.
Metatron was constantly in my energy field on a daily basis. I could hear him clear as day as if he was sitting next to me in the same room. His instructions on my next steps were constant and without question I did as he instructed. It was in this time of my life, that I began planning my exit out of corporate America by leaving my job. I had no idea what I was going to be doing but I knew that staying in a dead end job, doing something that brought me no JOY was not how I wanted to live to my life. I continued with my daily meditations, therapy sessions, and embarking on a new spiritual journey towards discovering who I AM, and who I wanted to become.
One morning during my morning meditation Metatron stepped in as per usual and in a loud, crisp voice said one small phrase that left me clueless as to what it meant, and what I was supposed to do with it.
As I heard his message of “SOUND IS KEY”, I pondered what he meant. I even questioned him but Metatron was always the one angel who was very intentional with his teachings. I never got the answer to my question but he made sure to point me in the direction of my next venture and path. It started with me creating a chakra workshop to educate people on the importance of the energy of the chakra system. I spent months getting downloaded information from him on things he wanted me to incorporate into the workshop. The material was vast, and very high frequency. In the beginning I was even struggling with understanding the material but as I diligently worked on it, it all started to make sense.
It was around this time, that I soon discovered I was a trance channeler when one day Metatron stepped into my vessel (body) and spoke through me to deliver a message to my partner. Imagine my surprise when I came back only to discover that I had channeled a message. This was my life for a while. Deep intense meditations, channellings, and lots of downloads from Metatron on the importance of vibration and frequency. Every time he came through, it was just more information on the vibration, frequency, and how it was important for humanity to align to the frequency of their evolution. Nothing was ever mentioned about sound, but that was also the time in my life when my tastes in music completely changed. I slowly began changing what I listened to, because I realized that whenever I listened to certain music my body started responding in different ways.
Fast forward to 2022 and I was now thriving in my own spiritual business, empowering and educating people on becoming more spiritual and embracing who they are genuinely. I also felt called to start learning about sound healing, and eventually became a Certified Sound Healing Practitioner and a member of the Complimentary Medical Association. Once I started my certification and began studying I soon began to realize what Metatron meant by, “SOUND IS KEY!”
Sound healing as been used for thousands of years by many different types of cultures throughout the world. Sound healing is one of the techniques that can restore, rebalance, and realign your energetic body back to its homeostasis state; which is a state of rest. I remembered that when Metatron gave me that simple message, I was going through regression therapy. I was learning how to release trauma in my body. I was learning to understand my body, and how it responded to trauma. Learning how to regulate your body and fall back into a parasympathetic state is not easy. Especially for people who don’t even know they are holding on to trauma. I soon understood that Metatron answered my question by showing me through my own experience and journey towards healing.
The beauty of sound healing is that everything is energy, and our bodies, our organs, our thoughts and emotions all carry their own vibrational frequency. When we hear a particular sound, our body’s natural response is to match the vibration and or frequency it heard. Your body’s internal vibration changes in response to the frequencies that it hears from the outside world. In essence that means that the sounds you hear have an impact on what is happening inside of your body. This explained why my body was having reactions to certain types of music, making me fall back into a ‘fight or flight’ response. Once I changed what I was listening to, I began to heal, and slowly started embracing the healing journey towards feeling whole and complete.
Sound healing therapy can rebalance your vibrational frequency by using tones (vibrations) to realign your frequency to a frequency of healing. So when Metatron came forward to deliver his message of “SOUND IS KEY”, he was delivering a message of wholeness and healing. I could talk for hours on the benefits of sound healing an how it works but there will be other posts about all of that. For now my friends, I wanted to share with you my journey and also let you know that I am now accepting clients for Sound Healing.
We live in a world where the majority of the population is overworked, stressed to the max, and living in a constant state of “Fight or Flight”. By incorporating sound healing into your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being on a regular basis you give your body an opportunity to fall into a parasympathetic state. Are you looking for some relief from the aches and pains you feel daily? Keep in mind, that by constantly being in a ‘fight or flight’ response, overtime your body breaks down, causing disruption in your energetic field. This disruption blocks the flow of energy in and out of your body which can lead to disease (DIS-EASE). I’m not saying that sound healing is the answer to everything, but it is worth trying even if it is just once. Understand that you as a client or recipient of sound healing need to be open to healing in this way.
If you would like more information on sound healing and see if sound healing is for you then please visit my website at Eileen Rouse for more information. I’d be happy to answer any questions you have. Sound is Key to realigning you to a state of balance and healing.
Have you noticed an increase in seeing repeated numbers lately? Numbers like 111, 222, 333 or maybe you’ve seen mirrored numbers like 1010 or 1111. Have you ever wondered what the significance is in numbers and why so many people talk about them being angel numbers? As a psychic and intuitive who has been communicating with the angelic realm for over twenty years I have grown accustomed to the numbers and their meanings. Let me first say that I haven’t always known what those numbers meant, or why it was so important for me to research them and understand their meaning. It took time for me to know exactly what they meant and understand the message they were delivering to me. So don’t fret when you see repeated numbers and have no idea what they mean.
In time, you will come to understand their meaning and what message they are trying to deliver to you. I do however, want to share some general number knowledge that I feel was vital and important for me when I began noticing the repeating numbers. By sharing this information with you, I feel it will assist you on your journey towards understanding some esoteric wisdom and how the universe and spirit communicates with us. I’m sure you’re wondering why the universe and spirit would want to use numbers to communicate but we have to remember that life, and everything within nature stems from the Fibonacci Sequence. This mathematical sequence is made up of numbers and is found in all parts of nature. So if numbers are all around us, then why wouldn’t the universe and spirit use what is around us to communicate with us?
Many years ago when I began taking my gifts seriously, I began asking my guides and angels all sorts of questions. One of the answers I got was that it was important for me to understand that there are no coincidences in life, only synchronicities. The hardest part for me to accept was coming to the understanding that everything is made up of energy. Spirit and the Universe can manipulate energy to align events, synchronicities and messages for you around the information you need to be aware of at any given moment. One of the questions I asked my guides was why they delivered messages in the form of numbers. The answer I got was that everything was made up of numerical sequences so therefore, the messages were being delivered to us in number form so we could begin the search for truth and answers. We are made up of specific, genetic codes, it is our DNA; which is made up of numerical sequences. I’ll admit that when I got this answer I was confused and didn’t know what to make of it, so I put it in the back of my mind and moved on. The other answer I got was that we lived in a world full of numbers, as they were very visible to us through clocks, addresses, receipts, telephone numbers, and drivers licenses.
Most of the numbers you keep seeing on a repeated basis is a sort of code to make you aware that there is something going on. After seeing a repeated number so many times you begin to question, you pause and wonder, ‘What is going on’? So why numbers, and why are they so important? My guides and angels state that numbers carry vibrational frequency, which radiates a specific form of energy. Understand that everything is energy, so when you see a number it gets logged in your memory bank ( also known as your subconscious). Your subconscious stores all of the data it has collected and stimulates the neuron receptors in your brain. Those neuron receptors get stimulated and then it triggers electrical currents making you aware of an incoming message. The message is then delivered to you and felt through your subconscious and unconscious which is how you connect to your higher self. The moment you pause, and ask yourself, “Why have I seen that number twice today?” That is you receiving the message from your subconscious. When you learn the general meanings of the numbers and their frequency it will provide you with the clues and messages the Universe and Spirit is trying to communicate to you.
I found that once you understand the basic meanings of the numbers you will then be able to decipher the messages being given to you. After a while you’ll be able to get deeper insights and meaning on double, triple, quadruple, and mirrored numbers. I have found it helpful to further educate myself on Numerology and how understanding the meanings can be used to benefit you in all areas of your life. One of the greatest books on Numerology that I have found to not only be helpful but also transformational for how I plan my day, events, and life going forward was, “A beginner’s guide to Numerology”, by Joy Woodward. I believe that when you study the meaning of numbers you gain a much broader perspective into the meaning of your life, your purpose, and so much more. So let’s dive into the meaning of the basic numbers.
1 – New beginnings
When you see the number one this represents a new start, new adventure, new beginnings, an opportunity to start from a blank slate. The energy of a one brings in good, new energy that gives us hope and anticipation. When looking to start something new you want to make sure that the energy is that of a one. When I see a one I often get excited because it means that I am about to embark on something new and refreshing. When you see multiple ones such as 11:11 this is usually a sign from the universe that you going through an awakening period in your life. I often associate an 11:11 as a wake up code; which enlightens you and makes you more aware of what you are doing, thinking, or feeling.
2 – Duality & Balance
The number two represents the energy of duality, balance and flow. When looking at twos it is important to remember that everything has an opposite and this is where duality comes into play. In my spiritual practice I often reference duality of light and dark energy, or masculine and feminine energy. Twos also help us become aware of how energies are flowing into our life. Is the energy being balanced or distributed evenly? When talking about the flow of energy it is important that you remember that energy must be balanced between giving and receiving. When you start seeing multiple twos keep in mind that whatever you were thinking or doing prior to seeing those twos requires you to create balance and see the opposite point of view or side.
3 – Creativity, Creation, & Ascended Masters
Three is a magical number and I often say it is where the magic happens because it is where creation begins. When you see threes you can experience creative energy, or even have the urge to create something beautiful and magical. I like to believe that when you are in the energy of being creative, you are creating masterpieces. I also like to view threes as a balance between the mind, body and spirit. I call it the ‘Holy Trinity’. The reason I call it that is because in order to create a newer aspect of yourself you must find balance in the mind, the body and the spirit. You have them all, so you must create balance between all three in order to allow creative energy to flow through you to create. When we are creative we allow creative energy to flow through us to create whatever we are feeling in the moment. The Ascended Masters are very closely related to the energy of three, and you will know they are communicating with you when you start seeing 333. I was 38 years of age when the Ascended Masters showed up in my life and began communicating with me. Threes are important and have special meaning and power.
4- Foundations & Hard Work
The energy of the four represents your foundation, your sense of stability and security. It also represents your hard work and efforts. I often like to visualize fours as a square with four sides. When building a house you begin at the foundation, as this allows you to build a sturdy, stable home. Fours also have the energy of multiple twos, so if we understand that the two is about balance and flow then understandably we can see how hard work comes into play with the energy of the four. When you are working towards something you are putting forth energy and effort which helps you build something foundational. The more effort you put into something the more sturdy and stable it becomes. When you start to see multiple fours, I find that spirit is usually asking you to pay attention to the amount of energy you are putting into things. Is your effort helping you build a sturdy foundation, or are you wasting your efforts because of cracks that need to be fixed?
5 – Change, Challenge & Freedom
Fives can be one of the most challenging numbers because it always represents change. This number often represents the many challenges you face on a daily basis. Those challenges require you to make the necessary changes and this is something that many of us never want to do. As a psychic when I see a five I know that change is necessary. This often means that I have to make changes in my life, or the change is going to happen whether I want it or not. It is important for you to note that when you see a five and it means change, know that the change is required in order to set you free from whatever has been holding you back. Do not be afraid when you see a five, never see it as a negative energy. Remember that energy is energy, it simply responds to the type of energy it is given. If you come across a five or start seeing multiple fives then know that spirit is letting you know that change is coming, or change needs to occur. It could be something as simple as you needing to change the way you think in order to match the frequency of what you are desiring.
6 – Love, Harmony & Relationships
The number six is all about love, harmony and relationships. Since six is an energy of multiple threes it is important for you to understand that the type of energy you put into your relationships determines the outcome of those relationships. If we remember correctly, threes are about creativity and creation, so if your relationships are not in harmony you are being asked to find creative ways to find harmony in those relationships. Many people often feel that when they see a six it is all about love in a romantic way but that isn’t always the case. The energy of a six represents love and relationships in all aspects, romantic and platonic. I personally feel that the most important relationship you have is the relationship with yourself. If you are seeing multiple sixs then spirit is trying to bring to your awareness that you need to see through unconditional eyes.
7 – Sacred path & Contemplation
I am probably the only one that associates a sacred path with a number seven, but I learned long ago that when a seven shows up on my path, it means I am exactly where I am meant to be. Seven is a sacred number and it often refers to your sacred path, or being on the right path towards enlightenment and ascension. The number also means that sometimes you will stumble upon your path that will confuse you and make you withdraw from certain habits, tasks, or routines. When this happens you begin to contemplate your actions, or non-actions and you start to wonder if your efforts or energy is worth all of the hard work. When you come across a seven remind yourself to take a step back and really give yourself a moment to contemplate where you are, and what you’ve accomplished. Sometimes we need reminders in this way to encourage us to see if everything we are doing is worth our time, effort and energy. When you see multiple sevens it means you are on the right path. Even if it seems confusing, keep going.
8 – Abundance, Prosperity & Manifestation
The energy of the number eight is where you experience a sense of abundance, prosperity and encounter your manifestations coming to fruition. One of the biggest things I try to educate my clients on when it comes to the energy of the eight is that the energy you put into things will always be reflected back to you. Since the number eight moves in the form of an infinity symbol, then you can understand that if you are trying to attain abundance and prosperity you must match that frequency. Energy = Energy. Imagine the bottom half of the eight and what you are trying to attain is the top half of the eight. In order to get from the bottom to the top you must align yourself, and match the frequency. If the energy of what you believe is moving backwards, but what you want is moving forwards then right off the bak you know that those frequencies do not match. The important message with the number eight is to know that you are already abundant and prosperous. The frequency and energy of an eight is one of gratitude. It is about understanding that you already have what you desire. You have all that you need and nothing more is required. How you see things in the world and what you feel about it determines whether you will be able to match that of what you desire.
9 – Completion and an Ending
When looking at the energy of the number nine it usually means that you are completing something, or something is coming to an end. Many people will often tell you that a number 10 is an ending but when looking at the energy of numbers you always reduce to a single number. In this aspect, the nine is the end. When faced with this type of energy it is important to note that whatever experience you are having, or whatever ending you are experiencing know that is will soon come to an end. I often associate the number nine as an end of a cycle; which means it is not a good time to start anything new on the energy of a nine.
In summary, all of the numbers have significant meaning and the more accustomed you become to them the easier it will be to understand their meanings. I find this knowledge and information helpful for me, especially when I’m performing a reading for a client. Numbers always provide me with more in depth information on what is currently going on. So the next time you keep seeing repeating numbers, jot them down and search for their meaning. Soon, you’ll be able to decipher the messages from the Universe and Spirit without a cheat sheet.
How often do you take the time to practice gratitude? Are you grateful for all experiences, encounters, lessons, and people in your life? Yesterday, I found myself crying most of the day, which is not normal for me. You see lately, I’ve been feeling the pressure to produce or to simply show progress in what I have done or accomplished since leaving my corporate job. The crazy thing is NO ONE is asking me for results other than the berating voice in my head. You know the voice I speak of… the one that tells you to “Stop being lazy and get to WORK!” I left my corporate job on October 3rd because there was no more room for growth, there was no creativity in the role, and there was NO joy in what I was doing. There was the occasional person here and there that was pleasant and we developed great working relationships but for the majority, the leaders were not KIND, nor were they appreciative of what I had to offer.
When I first began my journey in that organization I was excited, thrilled even because I just knew that I was going to grow and make a difference some how. After 20 years of service I had to make a choice to choose my own personal well-being and growth and decided it was time to call it quits. Creativity is at the center of my being and I LOVE learning and growing but when you find yourself in a dead-end road with not stimulation, no growth and being shut down at every turn you give up. Leaving that corporate job was the BEST decision I could have ever made for myself. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated my job, and for 13 years I was GRATEFUL for that job. I loved waking up every morning knowing I was going to have a new day, with new opportunities for growth and success. After a while, the growth stopped, new opportunities were almost non-existent and then leaders were preventing me from moving forward.
I knew I had skills, knowledge and GREAT potential to do amazing things but no one would listen to what I had to say. Instead I was told to make coffee, fill up the copy machine and smile. Despite my disappointment in their response to me every time I told them I was bored they continued to give me more work. The work was EASY for me, I could do it with my hands tied behind my back. What I craved was a CHALLENGE, something to stimulate my critical thinking skills. You see, I was a Senior Administrative Assistant who had worked her way up in the organization from a Receptionist. During my tenure at this organization I continued my education and eventually got my degree in Health Sciences with a major in Health & Wellness. I soon became an Intuitive Coach and while working a full-time job I saw clients on an occasional basis, knowing that ultimately my goal was to do coaching full-time. I knew that it would be difficult to make the transition from corporate to self-employement but in the end it would be worth it.
So now here I am 5 weeks out of my corporate job and I am grateful for the time and experience I gained. Yesterday’s tears were of joy, happiness and gratitude because had it not been for the terrible experience I’d had my last few years at my job I would have never made the JUMP. Sometimes, we grow complacent, or we stay where we are because we like being comfortable. If the leaders I reported to had challenged me, if they would have accomodated my requests for creativity I would have continuing working. I would have continued because the feeling of comfortability and security outweighed the feeling of pursuing my passion and goal. Many people never knew how much I hated my job, how unappreciated I was, how alienated I felt by not being a part of the team, how much their treatment of me made me question my value and worth. Their treatment of me made me realize how much value and worth I actually had. I discovered my passion for helping others, it awakened a sense and need to MOVE towards my passion.
Despite everything, I am grateful for all experiences in my corporate job because now I know what discomfort feels like when you’ve been held hostage by your comfort zone for too long. I appreciate the time I got to spend meeting new people, good and bad because now I know how to handle all types of personalities that I will experience in my own business. I will also have the experience to coach others into letting go of their fears associated with security and comfortabilitiy. I now know and understand the full meaning of gratitude and appreciation for self. We all have value and worth, but many people seek for their value and worth from others. I discovered that my worth and value was far greater that what anyone in my corporate job could offer me. I valued and appreciated myself enough to know that sometimes when every door for an opportunity closes on you, it means your opportunity is somewhere else. Be grateful for those messages when you get them because you never know where it might lead you. Be open to new adventures even the scary ones. BE GRATEFUL!
The world as we know it is changing. It has been in a constant cycle of change for years, but now it is almost as if this change is indefinite and infinite. Late at night during my prayers and reflection, I find myself pondering a multitude of questions. Some are my own and others I feel are a part of the collective. During these times of quiet solitude, I find myself asking God and the angels’ some of those questions floating around in my mind. I find it fascinating how similar the questions are even though they are a mixture of my own and the collective. Due to the similarity, I then ponder even further. We all ask ourselves questions daily. We think of the questions in our minds but never verbally ask the question. Why do we do this? Is it because it is part of our nature to simply ponder the questions, or do we suppress the asking because we fear hearing the truth, which might not be what we want to hear. Alternatively, do we simply move on and forget such questions. I believe many of us do a bit of both. Some of us are too afraid of hearing the truth even when it stares at us right in the face. Then the rest of us never take the time to ask ourselves the deeper questions. Do we simply not care or is it because we have that small part of us that fears the infinite possibilities of so many unknowns. From my own personal experience I can safely say, that hearing the truth is much harder than facing the unknowns. Since the beginning of this whole debacle we are currently in, if you’re wondering what I am referencing, let’s just say it is regarding our current situation. When this all began back in February, yes, you heard me correctly; the angels have made one thing very clear.
“Let go of the fear. Let go of your worry about tomorrow. Your world is not ending as many of you think.”
– Angels message through Eileen
When I first heard this, I had no clue what they were referencing until I turned on the news. You see, I have no desire to watch the news. Usually, when I say this people often wonder why, but the truth is (I should say my truth is) I cannot handle all of the negativity. The media has grown so used to inundating us with nothing but negative news. Once I saw what was going on it was like instant radio waves hitting me all at once. The flood of human emotions was flowing rapidly and intuitively I could feel the distress and fear. Despite what you might think, this is how I know when something big is happening. When the emotions hit, I could hear the angel’s message and immediately I was filled with a sense of peace. I wish I could say it was something I could describe but it is something you must feel in order to understand what I mean. Regardless of how I felt in that moment of chaos and fear I knew we (humanity) were going to be fine. Knowing this and expressing it to others is complicated and a whole new venture for me. I somehow feel now more than ever that God and the angels wanted me to share this message.
“Your world as you know it is ending. To you it feels like a complete and utter end but let us reassure you that it is not the type of ending you believe. All things must come to an end to deliver a new beginning.”
– Angels message through Eileen
This is their message to you, to us, to humanity. When messages like this come through, I’m often torn on how to deliver the message. I guess in many ways I am still struggling on showing up in this world as an intuitive, as an individual who talks to angels and has a duty to share their inspiration. So, when moments like this show up, I find myself sitting alone in a quiet room. I close my eyes and allow the racing questions to flow freely in my mind. Then when the noise in my head gets so loud, I begin taking in deep breaths. I begin to count them one by one and eventually the only thing I hear is my breathing. It is in these moments of silence I get the brightest bits of clarity I have ever known. It is in those clear moments that I begin to see and understand their messages clearer. In that vast space or stillness and quiet I ask one question… How do I move past the fear of being judged and facing hardship for being who I am?
In the slightest whisper imaginable I hear the word ‘Transformation’. In that serious moment I blinked and thought, “This was a serious question. I didn’t want to hear about transformation. This isn’t Transformation Tuesday!” I am sure by now you can see I am quite sarcastic and sassy. My mouth always got me into trouble as a child. Nevertheless, the angels repeated the same word. The dictionary’s definition of transformation is a thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance. Isn’t that what most of us are feeling right now? Even though I am not watching the news, I still feel the energy around me. There is fear, uncertainty, concern, worry, and tons of doubt. Now let us go back and bring this all together. I doubted what I heard because I didn’t want to hear the truth. For many of us, this is also true. It is almost as if we would choose to suffer than hear the truth or reality of any situation.
Believe me when I say, there are many people in this world who love the chaos. It is almost as if they need it to survive, but for those of us who want change, or we wish for something better we want to believe that something better is on the horizon. We want the change, but we continue to stay on the same path of suffering. Why you ask. Well from my perspective, it is safer because it is what I know. It is easier for me to hide who I am as an intuitive, so I don’t have to fear being judged. Right now, humanity feels as if they are experiencing an end of some sort. For some, it is the end of a job as they knew it, for others it can be something entirely different. Our world has been turned upside down and in the blink of an eye it changed just like that. Humanity is being forced to live their lives in completely different ways than they once did. We now have a choice to make. Do we continue on the path of suffering, or do we seize this opportunity and change for something better? The message the angels want to give you today is to,
“Recognize the choice you have made today and in this moment. Your perception and belief in suffering is optional, it is a choice. Many of you are feeling a sense of loss, or you feel as if there is a void in your life. That feeling or emptiness you feel is a space for you to create something better and new. Know that while everything looks grim from where you stand know that there are many things happening in the background that cannot be seen by the human eye. Pain is something that happens to all of you, but suffering is a choice. To suffer is to believe thoughts that are not a part of your soul’s truth. When you start justifying, analyzing, or rationalizing your beliefs it pulls you further from your soul’s wisdom. When this happens, you begin to blame yourself, others, or any event or situation on your feelings of anger or sadness. The anger, or sadness you feel is a form of suffering. By focusing your attention on that suffering it only cements the ideology or belief that created it in the first place. Put simply, you become what you fight against.”
– Angels message through Eileen
So now the question is, how do you begin to listen to your soul’s wisdom and relieve yourself of the suffering? You begin by transforming your behaviors, which in turn transforms your actions and with time and patience your beliefs transform into something new. Instead of focusing on the things that are wrong in your life, or who hurt you, or all the negative in the world; why not focus on all the beautiful things in your life. Change starts with you. It starts with your day, your actions, and your thoughts. Transforming a belief doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, patience, forgiveness, and repetition but it all starts with what you choose to focus on. Forget about the world and all of its chaos for a moment and focus on you. What are the things in your life right now that make you the happiest? What brings you joy? What makes you smile? Bring those things into your awareness every day. Use them as reminders to choose joy over anger or sadness. It is important to note that your life stems from the beliefs you practice the most so this is about you helping you. For one day don’t assume anything about anyone or anything; just expect the best outcome possible. This is the approach we must take for our world right now.
We cannot change the past, but we have the power to change the future. I don’t know about you, but I want a world where we are all treated equally. A world where love and compassion is center to our way of living. A world where everyone and everything is accepting of you and me just the way we are. Where people can live their best life with no worries or concerns. A world full of abundance in health and wealth and full of opportunity for everyone. We have this power, and it is up to us to transform our way of life on this planet. Our world as we know it is coming to an end. Our way of living is coming to an end. The ways of the past no longer serve us, and it is up to us to transform our world into something better for the greater good of all. No matter where you are on this planet, who you are, who you love, who you support or what you belief; you all have a right to live your best life full of love and compassion. Yes, we all have differences in opinions but when you take away the labels all we have left is our humanity. The angels love you as do I, and I leave you with one question…
Last week I talked about the importance of developing spiritual practices and many of you found this information to be helpful. However, many of you still had questions about how to get started and what a spiritual practice even looks like. Today we are going to take it slow and I am going to share with you 5 simple steps on creating a spiritual ritual that can be performed daily. The ritual that you create for yourself, is and will be a part of your spiritual practice.
A spiritual ritual is a patterned behavior or habit that is performed consistently that resonates with you, your beliefs, or traditional customs. Examples of spiritual rituals are prayers, lighting candles, doing yoga, performing rites of passage and so forth. It is important to note that when you are creating your spiritual ritual there is no right or wrong way of creating it or doing it. The purpose behind the spiritual ritual is to bring you a sense of peace and purpose to your life. I personally believe that having a consistent spiritual ritual in place will help you feel more connected spiritually and will give you the sense of purpose.
Here are the 5 steps to creating your very own daily spiritual ritual that resonates with you and your beliefs.
Choose a time of day.
The first step is choosing a time of day you want to perform or start your ritual. Decide what works best for you, whether that is first thing in the morning, in the middle of the day, or right before bedtime. I find it easier to do my daily rituals first thing in the morning as it helps sets the tone for my day. Make sure that whatever time you choose, you want to commit to that time daily.
2. Pick a Practice.
This step I feel is the best and most important step of all. Explore all of your options when it comes to choosing what you want to do for your daily ritual. This might require you to explore what other people do, and how they do it, but the key is to choose something that resonates with you. When choosing a practice it is all about choosing actions or tasks that will make you feel connected to your higher-self or Spirit/God. Examples of this include meditation, prayer, journaling, doing yoga, drawing oracle/tarot cards, or anything else that helps you connect.
Choose the tasks that make sense to you and especially pick the ones that have meaning to you. Over the years my spiritual practice has changed but in the beginning I started with something simple. I decided that it was important for me to pray every morning and draw one oracle card that would offer me insight or guidance for the day. I would do that every morning for three years, and then I slowly began adding more into my daily routine. No matter what practice you choose, keep it simple.
3. Create a Sacred Space.
Designating a space in your home where you will perform your daily spiritual ritual is vital. I find that choosing the space or location is critical to not only the success of you doing it daily, but it provides you with the desire to want to do it daily. When choosing your sacred space make sure it is an area of your home that makes you feel safe, and comfortable. I find it helpful to look around your home and sit in various areas until you find a place that makes you feel peaceful and calm.
4. Set Your Intention.
Before beginning your spiritual practice it is important to be very clear on your intentions. When you set your intention on doing something you need to understand what you intend to gain, or what you hope to obtain in doing what you are doing. I believe that setting intentions or being clear on your intentions is something that often gets overlooked in spiritual practices. Being intentional on why you are doing the daily rituals will help you stay focused and present during your spiritual practice.
5. Be Consistent.
Consistency is key when it comes to creating daily spiritual rituals as a part of your spiritual practice. Being consistent is about not only making a commitment to yourself to partake in the practice of doing the daily rituals but it is also how you will be able to see results from your efforts. We all have heard that when we want to see significant change in our lives we must stick with a new habit for a minimum of two weeks. This is why it is important to keep your spiritual practice simple in the beginning so you can stick to it daily and not feel overwhelmed. Over time, you will notice the benefits of your daily practice and eventually you will want to include more.
These five simple steps will help you get started towards building a spiritual practice that will help you feel present and grounded in your day to day activities. The important thing to remember is to keep it simple, start off small, and work your way to building it up. As a spiritual life coach, I work with many people who try to do too much when starting out with a spiritual practice. The key to success with this is simplicity, and consistency.
How many of you have heard of the term shadow work? If you are like me, I often pondered what exactly is shadow work? What is so important about it and why is the spiritual community talking about it as if it is vital to your growth and ascension process. I’ll be honest and tell you that when my Dark Night of the Soul began in 2019, I had no clue what shadow work was, or even how to do it. In fact, my spirit team often told me that I needed to learn to climb the mountain of self.
“Shadow Work” is one of the hottest topics in the spiritual community right now. If you have been on a spiritual quest or awakening journey then chances are you have heard of this term. While many people have heard of it, many don’t know its purpose or meaning. Many don’t even know why it is important for your spiritual growth. With that being said, let’s start our journey into shadow work from the beginning. Shadow work originates from the term ‘shadow self’, which was first conceived by a 20th century psychologist from Switzerland by the name of Carl Jung.
His theory is that humans have a ‘shadow’ part of themselves that they repress or keep hidden. I have always viewed shadow work as a necessary part of self-discovery when going through a spiritual evolution or growth period. You simply view the shadow aspects of yourself, heal the wounds of those darker aspects and love yourself completely. I will admit that saying this is so much easier than doing the actual work. Doing the shadow work requires patience, surrender, reflection, acceptance and self-love.
As a spiritual life coach I work closely with many individuals who struggle with facing their shadow and from my own personal experience with it I know how daunting it can be to surrender to the process, and reflect on those darker aspects with love and understanding. To be fair, it is even harder to accept and love yourself when all you see is pain, doubt, fear, and hate. That is why, when I work with my coaching clients I often refer to shadow work as ‘climbing the mountain of self’. When you think about it this process is you climbing your own challenges, burdens, obstacles, and fears of oneself. It is you, overcoming YOU! While going through the journey you travel through deep valleys, climb high peaks, and often encounter twists and turns. Through the process you’ll experience jagged rocks, obstacles and sometimes will even lose your way. No matter how confusing, challenging or fearful you become during this process remember that this is a form of self-discovery.
We are learning to understand ourselves in ways we never knew. Some of us even learn how to let go of beliefs we thought were a part of us, but were merely ways of controlling us to be who others wanted us to be. Climbing the mountain of self is a hard journey to take and many will start the process and quit before reaching their destination. I find that one of the biggest reasons people avoid this process is because they are afraid of what they might uncover. During my process, I was so afraid of unbecoming who I had known myself to be. The truth is, we all have skeletons in our closets and while many of us would prefer to leave them hidden we must come to an understanding that hiding parts of ourselves only prolongs the process.
My angels told me something valuable one year and to this day I have kept that phrase with me always. The phrase is this…
Truth will always be revealed. You cannot run from the truth, for it knows where you keep your secrets.
Angels of Love
For years I tried desperately to ignore the shadow aspects of myself but like a phoenix they rose out of the ashes. No matter how hard I tried to stuff them back down, they kept rising to the surface. One of the most interesting things about shadow work is that it will find you and it will always rise when you least expect it. It’s almost like the shadow aspect of yourself knows you are trying to avoid it and it is secretly saying, “YOU can run but you can’t HIDE!” Sometimes you will be blind-sided by these aspects of yourself and when you face them head on you want nothing more than to shove them back to the depths of the darkness from where they came but know that the longer you prolong the process the harder it gets.
"Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or 'shadow self'. Shadow work uncovers every part of you that has been disowned, repressed, and rejected. It is one of the most authentic paths to Enlightenment."
- Loner Wolf, The Minds Journal
I believe shadow work is necessary to your spiritual growth and no matter how hard you try to avoid it, somehow, someway you face it willingly or unwillingly. From a coaching perspective and my own experience with shadow work I like to approach it with love and nurturing. Shadow work is not meant to be done all at one time. In order for you to truly accept and heal from those parts of you that are wounded, you must take it one step at a time. This is the reason why I developed a 12-week workbook and group program that is designed to provide you with a step-by-step process on starting your shadow work journey. The beauty of doing this with others is that you will realize you are NOT ALONE and you will recognize that you have a support system that will help you through the journey. My approach to climbing the mountain of self is both nurturing and compassionate with a coaching structure set in place to help you know exactly what to do and how to go about doing it.
Here are the requirements I feel one needs when embarking on a journey within themselves to uncover who they truly are, while embracing the shadow self.
Patience
Surrender
Reflection
Acceptance
Self-Love
Patience
All journeys begin with patience, especially a journey of climbing the mountain of self. Patience is first because we know and understand that it will take time to do the climb and the work. Even when we plan a trip we must develop patience because we might have a plan of action, or a plan for how long it will take us to get to our destination but things happen. Change is something many of us struggle with. Some of us, don’t like change, because it means we have to step outside of our comfort zones and make new plans, take new action steps and so forth. When doing shadow work it is important to understand that while in this process you will encounter pitfalls, struggles, delays and obstacles. What struggles, or obstacles you wonder? How about self-sabotage, or avoidance. Resistance is a big one, especially when we have become professionals at pushing things away that make us feel uncomfortable or out of place. Patience is key when doing shadow work because there will be times you grow frustrated with the process because you aren’t where you feel you should be. First rule of thumb when it comes to shadow work is, ‘to drop your expectations and outcomes at the door.’
Rome was not built in a day, and completing your shadow work will not be completed in a day either. I often remind my clients of the phrase my parents used to tell me when they needed me to be a little more patient. “All good things come to those that wait.” When embarking on this journey try to remember that you are discovering parts of yourself you never knew existed. It might be hard to handle some of those parts, to see them clearly, or even work through them but with time and patience this too shall pass. Taking it one step at a time is why patience is required and our first step. This process is about the JOURNEY, not about the destination. It is about the uncovering, the discovery process and what you learn while on this grand adventure. You will get to your destination but only when you have encountered every aspect of yourself and embraced it whole-heartedly.
Surrender
The next step is to surrender and it is probably one of the hardest steps to incorporate and adhere too while on this journey within. Surrendering your expectations while on the path to self-discovery is vital to your ability to release any outcomes of how things will work out for you. As mentioned earlier, one of the biggest mistakes people make is they put themselves on a timeline. They expect to be completed and done with shadow work by a specific time. The truth is shadow work doesn’t work that way. Once you start this process you will soon discover how this process works and why surrendering to the process is so important. Everyone who starts this journey starts out strong. They come in curious and begin working through each section of their life, every trauma, and every pain and before long they get comfortable. Soon they begin to think that this is easier than they thought. After a while, they come across an obstacle, or better yet, they come across something they feel they have already faced or worked on. You see, shadow work takes time because while you might have worked on one area that seemed easy, you’ve now hit another layer of the same issue. From your earlier vantage point the concern seemed minuscule but now that you’re digging deeper it’s become more of a challenge. Understand that when you do shadow work it will be done in layers. You aren’t going to magically get to the root of an issue with one dig. Sometimes our biggest treasures are down deep in the dirt. This is why surrendering is so important. You might think you know the answer or solution to everything but if there is anything I have learned during my process it is that I know NOTHING. Surrendering is also a way of letting go control of the situation. Self-discovery is about uncovering deep treasure within yourself. You are learning who you are and uncovering what makes you, YOU.
Reflection
This is the part of the process where people throw in the towel and simply give up on themselves. I will never lie to you my friends. The reflection stage is the hardest stage to be in and the hardest one to swallow. This part of the process is critical because we must understand the reasoning behind everything we uncover about ourselves. We are creatures of habit, and as we go along our path we learn from our previous mistakes. The biggest mistakes that I have seen in shadow work is not reflecting on past learned lessons, or even seeing all experiences as learned lessons. As a spiritual life coach I try to teach my clients to see the lessons behind every painful memory or experience. No matter how painful the experience was, or what trauma we faced, it still taught us something. As we reflect on our past we discover the root causes of why we are the way we are, or why we react in certain specific ways when triggered. For me, this part of the process was so hard because it meant I needed to reflect on sexual trauma. Trauma that I didn’t even know was there until repressed memories started coming back. The reflection stage is the part of the process where we come face to face with our darkest secrets, or aspects. We must face truths, deep truths that we would rather ignore. Some of those truths is recognizing how you self-sabotage yourself, acknowledging that you hate yourself or your body. This stage of the process is seeing truth, without blinders on. I have always felt that some of the hardest lessons to learn is facing TRUTH dead in the face. The reflection stage is meant to teach you that no matter the experience, it is a part of you and it is simply wanting you to accept it and move on.
Acceptance
I bet you didn’t expect to see this on here when it comes to shadow work. I know how hard it can be to accept our circumstances, experiences, and ourselves. However, when we can embrace acceptance into our lives we bring with it a great power and the final step when venturing on the path of self-discovery. Many of us believe that our negative or shadow traits are meant to be silenced or shunned but the truth is we are meant to bring them to the surface to see light and embrace them. We are meant to accept those aspects of ourself with genuine approval and love. Many people feel that shadow work is about changing who you are, but that is not what this process is about. We are all made of both light and dark. We were never made incorrectly, nor did God make any mistakes when creating us. We are made in the image and perfection of God so therefore, our dark aspects are simply void of light. This is why this whole process is about allowing our shadow self to rise, or come to the surface. We must allow it to be what it is, and acknowledge it in truth. By accepting it to be what it is, we accept ourselves exactly as we are. I find that when you work through the reflection stage you move quickly into acceptance and self-love for all areas that you discover. You were never meant to neglect parts of yourself, you are meant to embrace those parts, both the light and the dark. It is in this part of the process we understand that we cannot have one without the other. For every weakness we encounter, there is a strength that was created in order to overcome said weakness. Acceptance is about understanding the duality of things, and learning to honor what is without needing to change it or mold it into something it isn’t.
Self-Love
The last part of the process is Self-Love and if you think the reflection stage was hard then prepare yourself for this challenge. Learning to love yourself genuinely, and authentically will take time and patience. Climbing the mountain of self is about learning to love every inch, every part, every aspect of who you already ARE. It is often said that the areas in your life you feel the most lack are also the areas you fail to accept and nurture within yourself. In order to heal you must learn to LOVE yourself, embrace all parts of yourself that you want to shove down into the depths. Self-Love and acceptance go hand in hand and must be learned independently. Many people feel that they can get love from outside of themselves but NO ONE knows you like you do. You must learn to appreciate you, to LOVE you, and HEAL you.
Shadow work is about recognizing that the answers you have always needed were already within your reach, you simply needed to seek for them within. When embarking on this journey towards self-discovery remember to be patient with yourself, surrender to the process and release your expectations of how it will work and turn out. Reflect on everything you’ve been through, including your behaviors and habits. Embrace and accept where you are, where you’ve been while providing yourself with love and nurturing along the way. Remember that it is about the JOURNEY, not the destination. No one ever said this journey was going to be easy, but as you start on the path of discovery you will uncover freedom like never before. Go towards the depths of your greatest treasure my friends!
TRIGGER WARNINGS IN THIS POST. If you suffer from PTSD due to trauma please do NOT read any further.
2019 was supposed to be my year of new beginnings. I had some of the biggest plans you could possibly imagine. I was going to make some big changes in my life and I had planned on starting something new. Little did I know that while I was busy making plans for myself, Spirit had other intentions all together. Have you ever started out a year with high hopes only to be let down by slowly witnessing your visions and dreams being flushed down the drain right before your eyes?
Here are some of the dreams and visions I had for myself back in 2019. I was the CEO of my very own direct sales business. I LOVED what I did and in many ways my getting into that business was the best decision I could have ever made for myself. I was GREAT at it too, I was successful and I dreamed of being one of the top 1% in that company.
However, I also had a full-time job and my passion with this new business was so strong I planned on making it my full-time job. It was my plan and I had set a course and goals for myself then almost as quick as it started my passion began to die until it completely came crashing down in March 2019. This was the last event I attended after successfully achieving a BIG goal of mine. I remember this event like it was yesterday. I felt so DISCONNECTED from everything I held true to my heart.
I achieved this goal, but my smile was NOT genuine.
I honestly felt as if I was sleep walking through this whole entire trip. It was meant to be fun and exciting but I DREADED every minute of it. The excitement and thrill of being well on my way to success was long gone. Then as if feeling so disconnected wasn’t enough I came home only to wake up from a nightmare that soon became my reality. My wife and I were in the process of being intimate, it is what you normally do with your spouse right? We were kissing then next thing I know I’m being transported back in time to when I was a little girl. I was probably around the ages of 5-7; I just knew I always wore my hair in pigtails.
I’m laying in bed in my room and I can’t help but feel anxious and nervous all at the same time. I notice it is late at night and I keep looking around almost as if I am anticipating someone or something to come through the door. I immediately flash my eyes over to the closed door of the bedroom and I see the door knob turn. I immediately freeze up and pull the covers up to my nose as I shake. It is so dark in the room I can’t see clearly but I know someone has just walked in. “Are you ready?” I hear the mysterious voice say. I feel the bed move and sink as the weight of the person gets on the bed. The blankets slowly begin to be pulled off of me and I begin to tremble. The voice moves down towards my feet and I feel the cold hands move up my legs. I hear the anticipation in his voice as he says, “You’re going to be a good girl aren’t you?” In that moment I knew what was about to happen and as a young girl I felt the beginnings of abuse occur. My little head popped up and looked down as my small panties began to come off and I quietly whispered, “Let me see your face?”
As quickly as the vision came, I was transported back to the present moment with my wife looking at me concerned. When I saw the confusion in her blue-green eyes I knew I had spoken my question out loud. Nothing could have prepared me for the amount of pain and tears I experienced in that moment. She sat and held me in her arms for what felt like hours and all I could do was cry. What happened next is something I can’t even begin to explain. I’ve experienced pain before, I’ve been through lot’s of hard suffering but this was so much worse. A part of me died that day. How could I explain this? Was I just imagining something, or was this simply a recall of a memory from my past?
Here is what you need to understand. From the ages of 5-10 I have NO memories. It is as if those memories were either wiped clean from my memory bank or they were clouded over. In that moment of realization of what I had just witnessed at 41 years of age was heart breaking. Despite having always had angels with me, in witnessing that moment I felt so alone and when I tried to call upon my guides and angels to make sense of it all I GOT complete and utter silence. To be so spiritual and trusting in the DIVINE and feel so disconnected from everything that you have ever known was deafening. For the first time in my LIFE I hit rock bottom.
My world was completely turned upside down. I let go of everything, my business, my family and friends, I simply wanted to DIE. I was in so much pain that it was so hard for me to even get out of bed. Now, I’m sure you’re probably asking yourself how is this different from depression. Yes, I was depressed but I had NEVER been this down before. This was a whole other level than I had ever known. I was seeking guidance and help for the first time in my life and as much as I reached out NO ONE responded. I was ready to give up and toss in the cards I’d been dealt and believe me when I say I had moments of anger and rage at God.
I remember being so angry that I screamed in agony as the tears flowed down my cheeks constantly asking, “WHY TELL ME NOW.” That one moment, that one vision of a traumatic event in my life that had been shielded from me was more than enough for me to crumble to the ground and give up. I am extremely grateful for my amazing, resilient wife who was gentle with me and got me to every therapy appointment. With every session, I worked through the years of TRAUMA I had experienced throughout my life including the sexual abuse. During my therapy, I slowly began to hear spirit again. The angels were beginning to talk to me about being gentle with myself. Recovery from that whole ordeal took me a total of 4-5 months.
Don’t misunderstand me, it took lots of work on my part to get me to where I am today but now that I am passed the year mark I now understand the whole process. I see the BIGGER picture and I understand so many things. I understand now why I told my therapist that it wasn’t important for me to know the details of the abuse. I do not need details to see the bigger picture.
In fact in the beginning when this all began I was so adamant on trying to figure out who my abuser was but every time I tried I kept getting blocked. The memories were deeply rooted or that is what I thought. According to my angels I’m told that knowing who the person was would come at the right time when I was spiritually ready to handle it. That answer never made sense to me until NOW.
You see, I now know who my abuser was and while it came as a complete shock to me at first, it wasn’t that much of a surprise either almost as if a part of me had always known. I discovered the answer to this when I wasn’t looking for it. I stumbled upon an old journal entry from May of 2019 that pretty much spelled it out for me but I was too blind to see it, or maybe I simply wasn’t ready to acknowledge the truth back then.
When asking Metatron earlier today about all of this I heard this, “A true Dark Night of the Soul experience breaks down your entire existence. It makes you question everything you know, or what you think you know to be true to you. You lose a part of who you are and in order to make yourself whole a part of you must die. In order to become one with Spirit you must shed the parts of you that keep you bound to the physical. In essence you experience the death of the EGO. You leave the physical and awaken to the truth of your existence and Spirit.”
This is my experience with the Dark Night of the Soul and I want to point out that not everyone will experience it in the same way. It begins with a loss of some sort that makes you question everything in your life. As you go through the grief of this loss you slowly begin to build yourself back up from scratch. As the rebuilding occurs you purge all things that no longer serve you. You then begin to wake up to newer truths and brighter understandings. You build new friendships and the best part is you begin to see your life and life experiences as LESSONS. You want to help people become more empowered to be who they are, and you see everything through the eyes of LOVE.
It is through the eyes of DEATH that you can truly understand the meaning of going through a REBIRTH.
Do you ever sit and wonder what your life would be like had you made different choices? At forty-two years of age, I find myself taking inventory of my life and while I can see progress I still wonder where I would be had I made a different choice. The interesting thing about this thought is the angels often say that you should never cloud your mind with the “what ifs”. I find this amusing because that seems to be the one thing we humans do constantly. Yet a part me of understands the reasoning behind allowing ourselves to wonder on the missed opportunities and such.
My life has completely changed since January of this year. Most people would be upset, bothered, or unhinged with all of the unrest and fluctuation I’ve endured these past 6 months. Despite the changes being sudden and thrown at me from every direction I find them inviting and comforting. These changes have been a long time coming. It has been something that should have taken place a long time ago but, I was not ready to face the challenges that lay ahead of me. Not many people would be able to look at my situation or circumstances from a place of joy, but trust me when I say I am as joyous as I have ever been.
I am sure many of you are wondering what I am referring to and are curious as to what new changes I speak of but I must lay the foundation of this story first. In the beginning of this year, a strong and powerful energy entered my life and pushed me in a direction I never intended to go. This powerful energy is more of an angelic entity and trust me when I say, this powerful force is one you simply do not say “NO” to. Metatron the archangel of life and ascended master chooses his students carefully and wisely. Not many are chosen and very few get passed his challenges and orders. He is an ascended master for a reason and although I knew working with him would be challenging I accepted the request and began my journey.
We all come into this life to grow and ascend into our true form. We experience harsh lessons here on Earth and sometimes many of us do not succeed. Not succeeding does not automatically make you a failure, it simply makes you stronger. It builds your character and ‘God Essence’ into who you truly are. When I was a little girl, I had visions of standing in front of large crowds with a giant spotlight in my face. Every time I had this dream I would wake up in tears because I was so afraid of showing myself to the world. I always knew I was different than most people I came into contact with and despite knowing this a part of me yearned to just let myself be seen.
Not many people can look at their life experiences and say, “I’ve lived an amazing life.” Yet, I sit here in my office typing this out with tears in my eyes because I am that one person. Every experience I have encountered and endured in this life made me who I am today. Those experiences molded me into the strong, passionate, resilient woman I see in the mirror every morning. Please understand that I did not live a plush or special life because I was connected to Spirit. I had bad days, horrible moments where I fell into deep pits of darkness. I have stumbled many times and on three occasions I pondered the idea of ending my own life.
The interesting thing to me is that each time I entertained that idea, someone would walk into my life and bring me sunshine and for a brief moment the thought would pass and I would be on course again. During the roughest times in my life I could never understand the reasoning behind certain situations or experiences. For a time, I felt the world and Spirit were playing jokes on me and in some instances I felt as if I was being kicked while I was down. Despite the struggle I continued with my faith and yes, there were times I strayed from it but, we all have at one time or another.
I say all of this because I am now entering a point in my life where I am now of service to God and Spirit. I have been pushed way passed my comfort zone and while having fears of being seen still haunt me, I know I am exactly where I need to be. Since our world entered into a state of the “unknown”, I have been working on me. I have been listening to Metatron, following orders and preparing myself for what lays ahead, not really knowing or understanding what I might be facing. It wasn’t until one afternoon when I was sitting in my office meditating that the vision of my dream from long ago resurfaced.
The vision was clear and I was told that a choice would have to be made. In seeing the vision, I smiled and laughed because I no longer held fear in it . In fact, I was quite surprised to feel a longing and desire for being in that vision and making it a reality. I took my time, prayed and decided that it is time for me to step into the unknown and make that vision a reality. So here I sit, preparing for my next YouTube video to drop on Monday and biting my fingernails. Once it is out there for the public to see, a new chain of events will be set in motion and there will be no turning back. In all honesty, I’m excited about this new adventure I am about to embark upon. As I said earlier, “It has been a long time coming.”
Know that I do what I do because it is my calling. I am meant to be a LIGHT in this world. I am meant to spark the flames of desire deep within your hearts and souls. Yes, there will be challenges with this new adventure but I have the greatest support system in the world. I’ve been through the fire and rose above that through the ashes so this will be a walk in the park. I invite you all to please visit my YouTube channel, subscribe, and share its content. If you don’t agree, then I honor you in your light and truth!
See you all soon with lots more content from me and others!
Eileen N. Rouse 