Posted in Cats, Death, Family, Gifts, Grief, Love

Bella

Last night.

At approximately 2:00 PM today, Bella Cat died.  She’s been declining for a while and although we weren’t sure we were making the right call, we took her to the vet today to help her move on.  The vet, after examining her, reassured us over and over again that it was the right call.  Unknown to us when we made the appointment, Bella had a mass on or near her kidneys.  She seemed to be in pain whenever she would eat or drink or use the litter box and that, in addition to her diagnosed dementia, was why we made the appointment in the first place.  Her quality of life was not good except when she was in a stupor from drugs.  The dementia was causing her to be in panic mode nearly all the time.  The only time she wasn’t yowling and meowing as if in pain was when she was being held or high on drugs.

I want to write something up for Bella the way I did for Izzy last year, but I just can’t right now.  This year has already brought a lot in terms of my health adventures, some family news that isn’t great (but not unfixable), and the death of another of our furry family members is too much right now.  My photos are packed away, too, so I can’t really go through and find some of the old ones of Bella until we get settled (no idea when that will be — we’re still in Maryland for now).

I just want to mark the date.  My blog(s) are helpful when it comes to that.  And maybe I just want to start down the road towards grieving Bella.  Writing helps.  I don’t know how or why.  Just that it does.

One last note or two:  I could almost swear I saw Bella leave her body during her last breath.  Maybe Izzy was there to greet her.  I hope so.

Posted in Blast From the Past, Change, Earth, Eastern Shore, Endings, Gifts, Gratitude, Heartfulness, How to love the world, In these strange times, Into the Wilderness, Life, Love, Maryland, Nature, Photography, Quotes, Spirit, The Big Move, Thresholds, Winter

A Monday meander: Packing up

The Garden Window

Februate

–To purify, cleanse, or rejuvenate, esp. in a ritual or ceremonial context. From Latin “februare” (to purify) from “februa” (purifications, expiatory rites) plural of “februum” (a means of purification, expiatory offerings) which is of uncertain origin, said to be a Sabine word.

Used in a sentence: “𝐻𝑒 𝑠𝑖𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒 𝑝𝑒𝑒𝑙, 𝑐𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑠, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑐𝑒𝑑𝑎𝑟 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑𝑙𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝒇𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒖𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝑡ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑎 𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑓𝑒𝑙𝑡 𝑎𝑙𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑐.”

~ Grandiloquent word of the day

Continue reading “A Monday meander: Packing up”

Posted in Earth, Eastern Shore, Gifts, Gratitude, Health & Well-Being, Heartfulness, How to love the world, In these strange times, Into the Wilderness, Maryland, Nature, Photography, Quotes, Sky, Spirit, The Big Move, Thresholds, Walking & Wandering, Winter

A ramble and a wander

Tiny sunburst in a tree.

The Way It Is
by William Stafford

There’s a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn’t change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can’t get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding.
You don’t ever let go of the thread.

Continue reading “A ramble and a wander”

Posted in Aging, Earth, Eastern Shore, Gifts, Gratitude, How to love the world, In these strange times, Other than human, Photography, Quotes, Spirit, Spiritual practices, The Big Move, The Body Beautiful, Thresholds, Walking & Wandering, Water, Weather, Winter, Wonder, Yoga

A winter storm on the way

A fox in the meadow on a snow day.

Take some time today to move your body.  Our bodies are a gift and it is important to take care of them.  We can choose to move in so many ways.  Find what works best for you and spend the time to give your body some love and movement.  Your mind will thank you by becoming clearer, too.  It is easy to stay put, but movement makes the day feel richer, our bodies feel stronger, and our minds more aware.  How will you move today?

~ Emily Silva, Sunrise Gratitude, January 14

You have a spirit of fire within you.  It is the light that shines within.  It fuels your passion and keeps you going when you know something is important.  Each morning, you have the chance to calibrate your light as the sun rises.  Imagine your inner fire rising within.  Will it be a bright flame that burns slowly and evenly or a burst of energy, creating a shock of illumination?  Our lights may differ every day, but they never go out.

~ Emily Silva, Sunrise Gratitude, January 22

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Posted in Apologies, How to love the world, In these strange times, Listening, Words, Writing

An apology

I feel as though I owe an apology for yesterday’s post.  Maybe a couple of apologies.  After reading a few comments and after re-reading what I wrote, there is (at least) one part in particular that came out all wrong.  It’s this:

…I sometimes feel like the man in Europe, wanting to ask questions like “what are we doing??” and “why aren’t we doing more???” I sometimes feel like many of the people whose accounts I’m shown on Facebook and Instagram think that by posting memes and outrage and articles and essays, they are somehow part of the resistance, they are somehow actively participating in the protests, when they are really just sitting there like the toddler in chief and the toddler’s supporters, clicking and clicking, ramping up the anger and doing little to bring down the heat.

Ugh.  Just ugh.  It doesn’t matter what I meant or intended.  What matters is that it was judgmental and hurtful.  I can do better and will try to do better.  As I wrote in the next part of the post, I understand that we’re all doing the best we can.  Some bodies/minds/spirits cannot be out there on the front lines.  I understand that completely since I am currently in no condition to put myself out there.  There are so many, many ways we can be of use right now.

Which brings me to another part of that which has been nagging at me after talking with friends and reading some other posts.

I was, and am, wrong.  We should be sharing, especially the videos witnessing what is happening when masked people who think they have immunity come into neighborhoods, commit violence, and kidnap/disappear people.  We should be sharing truth to counter the propaganda and misdirection.  We should be posting memes demanding the release of the Epstein files (which I just typed as “viles” and I think that is an interesting slip of the fingers).  Maybe we should be posting copies of the Constitution on a daily basis, just as a reminder of the rights that are being trampled on.

One of the things that helped to change my mind was seeing a video from a family member (someone who I usually snooze but he continues to pop up every now and then) that was total and complete bullshit.  I will never convince him of that.  He will never convince me it’s real.  However, maybe it’s possible that if more of reality invades the world of AI slop and propaganda, maybe it will be harder for people who believe the slop and propaganda to continue to believe  it.

Or maybe it won’t.  I can’t change that.

The fact is, I’m as guilty as the next person when it comes to my uses and abuses of social media.  If I spend too much time scrolling and the algorithm has decided it’s a good day for anger and outrage, I start reposting the anger and outrage as an outlet for my own anger and outrage.  That doesn’t feel healthy, for anyone.  I can do better.  And I will do better with my time remaining on social media.

One other apology:  I’m sorry if my posts are too long.  I write long-form, not in social media bites.  Because I don’t post often, a lot gets crammed into one post.  I write for family and friends.  I write for myself.  I know a lot of people come here for the photos so I will give you a heads up that there might not be as many of those going forward.  My current urge/desire/wish is to write.  If that’s not for you, that’s okay.  I just want you to know that there will be long posts and more writing.

Posted in Aging, Earth, Eastern Shore, Gratitude, Grief, Health & Well-Being, Heartfulness, How to love the world, In these strange times, Maryland, Perception, Photography, Poetry, Portals & Pathways, Spirit, Thresholds, Winter

A Monday meander: What are we doing?

The road to nowhere. (Assateague Island)

Where is God?
by Mark Nepo

It’s as if what is unbreakable—
the very pulse of life—waits for
everything else to be torn away,
and then in the bareness that
only silence and suffering and
great love can expose, it dares
to speak through us and to us.

It seems to say, if you want to last,
hold on to nothing. If you want
to know love, let in everything.
If you want to feel the presence
of everything, stop counting the
things that break along the way.

Continue reading “A Monday meander: What are we doing?”

Posted in Aging, Beginnings, Cats, Change, Death, Earth, Eastern Shore, Exploring, Gifts, Gratitude, Grief, Heartfulness, How to love the world, In these strange times, Life, Maryland, Nature, Photography, Quotes, Spirit, Spiritual practices, Walking & Wandering, Winter

A Monday meander: As the sun rises on another calendar year

Offerings, remembrances.

In the winter I am writing about there was much darkness. Darkness of nature, darkness of event, darkness of spirit, the sprawling darkness of not knowing. We speak of the light of reason, I would speak here of the darkness of the world and the light of… but I don’t know what to call it, maybe hope, maybe faith, but not a shaped faith, only, say, a gesture or continuum of gestures… Because my work day begins early, it begins in winter in the huge, tense blackness of the world.

— Mary Oliver

Continue reading “A Monday meander: As the sun rises on another calendar year”