WHO/WHY/WHAT IS TOTAL COW?
If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering, “What’s hot-piece-of-ass/‘celebrated writer and journalist’ Flora Gill up to these days?”, let me enlighten you: she’s almost always getting her nipple sucked. Whether it’s by a baby, a machine, or a man, my tits are on permanent loan. This means for several hours a day I have nothing better to do than come up with unsolicited opinions. Lucky for you thirsty bitches, I’ve decided to bottle up these strange leaking thoughts and pour them into a newsletter.
This is not a mummy advice newsletter. Don’t expect tips on nappy rash or safe sleep. Instead, it’s simply humorous (hopefully) musings on trending topics and noteworthy nonsense. Subjects might include reviewing the latest Kardashian pussy pill, debating which M&M would support Luigi Mangione (obviously the green one), or finding out which cocktail is best made with breast milk. Serious topics might occasionally sneak in, but I promise they’ll be nicely sandwiched between the frivolous, so you hardly notice.
You don’t need to be a parent, a bitch or bovine creature to enjoy it. Just sign up, share it with your friends, message me and tell me what a genius I am.
Some housekeeping…
You will start receiving updates right here in your inbox. You can also log in to the website to read the full archives and other posts as they are published.
If you can’t find the newsletter, check your spam folder. And please mark this address as ‘not spam.’ If the newsletter isn’t in your spam folder, either, you should look in the Promotions tab.
Thanks again, and please tell a few friends if you have any you massive loser.
