Going to the pumpkaboo patch to pick out my partner pokémon

tom nook is NOT a landlord!!! he is a construction worker! he SELLS you a WHOLE HOUSE! He is not CHARGING YOU however many bells a month to live there! You PURCHASE a HOME that he BUILDS FOR YOU and then you PAY HIM FOR HIS SERVICE. He charges no interest he sets no time limit it is a relationship built on trust. the only penalty you get for not paying off your home is that he won't build more home until you pay him for the first one. A guy that builds you a house wherever you want him to and then charges you for the cost of construction is not a landlord you own the fucking home

Xenomorph frogs - Sculptures by Li Changchun

2018

steps out of the shower completely dry after parrying every drop of water with my bathroom greatsword

Person who wants to do stuff trapped in a body that needs to lie down

at the vet because apparently tylenol decided to eat a joint

she's going to be ok she's just high as fuck

slut waist (fat hairy belly)

drawing is all sbout becoming good at illustrating one character at 3/4 angle and nothing else no backgrounds no props no furniture no money no job no future

alright I’ve got a One Free Kinkshame pass that expires this week so I’m gonna go ahead and use it in response to some fairly surreal undertale porn i just saw: who the FUCK is whippin their dripper to skeletons with butt plugs crammed into their tail bones. i mean i know this is The Internet and all but i am at a loss. they’re bones, my dudes. you wanna stick your dick in some bones? you gonna stick your dick in some gotdamn bones? bones can’t feel, pal buddy. I’m sorry. they Can’t. butt plugs don’t work on bones. thats like plugging your HDMI cable into your electric toothbrush. its feasible but nothing is gonna happen, i promise. all i can imagine is what that would sound like. you shove some vibrating bullshit up into some bones and its just gonna be CLAKCLAKCLAKCLAKCLAKCLAKCLAKCLAK. gonna sound like all your grandma’s hanging lawn ornaments in a hurricane. you wanna fuck your grandma’s lawn ornaments? you wanna shove a butt plug in your grandma’s butterfly windsock and play your fiddle to it you piece of shit? Unbelievable

Best thing about zip-up hoodies? You can wear ‘em without a shirt and slip ‘em off the shoulder a lil. Leave it half-zipped or unzipped too, like a sexy lil choose-your-own-adventure.

Worst thing about zip-up hoodies? When it’s zipped up and u sit down somewhere and suddenly have to deal with your newest and shittiest conjoined twin, the three-inch flaccid sternum boner