Loved ones left behind after voluntary assisted dying say more support is needed
Felicia Huppert (left) with her sister a short time before ending her life through voluntary assisted dying. (Supplied: Rowan Huppert)
In short:
Families of people who end their lives through voluntary assisted dying (VAD) are calling for more support after the treatment is administered.
Jeff Tildesley, whose partner used VAD almost 12 months ago, says ongoing psychological support is needed.
What's next?
A review of the NSW voluntary assisted dying legislation is underway
Jeff Tildesley says his final moments with his partner before voluntary assisted dying (VAD) were peaceful and at times even jovial, knowing that her wishes were being fulfilled.
Frances Flemming chose to use VAD to end her life in March last year after a decades-long battle with multiple sclerosis.
She also donated her organs.
"We told one another we loved one another and right at the end it was very quiet and we were just listening to music she liked and she just went to sleep and drifted off," Mr Tildesley said.
"It wasn't until I got home and walked into an empty house … that it affected [me] … it was quite daunting, then the realisation came."
The lead-up to Ms Flemming's death was well organised after her approval for VAD.
But Mr Tildesley said nothing could have prepared him for how he felt in the days and months that followed.
"When you go through something like that, it's completely different to someone dying in a car crash or someone [dying] of old age … because you know a long way out," Mr Tildesley said.
Loading..."There's a lot built up and there's a lot that's got to come out … you've got to be able to talk to people."
He said people left behind needed more support.
"The VAD team has been out two or three times to see me and just have a bit of talk to me, which has been really good," he said.
"The problem there is it's a funding thing where they haven't got back up to give people more support after the fact, it's something that they talked about and said they're going to try and improve."
Mr Tildesley would have liked more regular contact with the VAD team to support his mental health after Ms Flemming's death.
Making options known
Rowan Huppert's mother, Felicia, decided to use VAD in 2024 after being diagnosed with terminal metastatic breast cancer.
He said it was empowering for her to avoid the worst of the suffering she might have experienced.
"She hit the ceiling with relief, with happiness at the prospect that she might have some control and agency back," Mr Huppert said.
Felicia Huppert, with sons Rowan (left) and Julian (right), ended her life through voluntary assisted dying. (Supplied)
He also said more psychological support would help, before and after the fact.
"Although there is support with grief, this is a particular type of grief and it can come with particular challenges for people," Mr Huppert said.
He said his mother struggled with selecting a date for the VAD to happen.
"It's quite a strange thing to be able to choose the very day you're going to die," he said.
"Perhaps that would have been something that with psychological support, might have been a conversation they [the VAD support team] could have facilitated with her."
Mr Huppert was also surprised VAD was not put forward as an option by his mother's doctors.
He said that needed to change.
"No-one had mentioned the possibility of it before we did," Mr Huppert said.
"She was clearly in a terminal decline and I do think it would have been great if some of her treating physicians raised that possibility.
"I think most realistically, it's simply that it's new and they [medical professionals] haven't accustomed themselves to thinking of it as an option that should be brought forward and discussed."
VAD guidelines vary from state to state, but in NSW, where Ms Huppert was being treated, doctors and nurse practitioners are permitted to raise VAD as an option, as long as they also discuss standard treatment and palliative care.
Evaluating the process
A review of the NSW voluntary assisted dying legislation is underway, with public feedback being accepted until the end of the month.
A report is due be tabled in parliament by November.
After supporting his mother through the end of her life, Mr Huppert joined the board of advocacy group Dying with Dignity.
He is helping people with experiences like his to make submissions.
"One of the biggest topics that we will be submitting is regarding aged care facilities and religious-based health organisations," Mr Huppert said.
"At the moment, the [faith based] hospitals are supported in not facilitating access to VAD on their premises.
"We feel that it's within the patient's wellbeing and within their rights that they should be able to access whatever medical-related care they want while they are in that facility."
Dying with Dignity also wants the review to consider access to VAD for dementia patients.
A person seeking VAD in NSW must have full cognitive capacity from the time they begin the application process until the time medication is administered.
"The question of people suffering for many, many years with dementia who were very clear beforehand that they would not want to suffer in that way, but … they are currently unable to access voluntary assisted dying," Mr Huppert said.
"That's certainly something we're going to be putting in our submission."